My God The Eastern Conference Finals Hates Us; New Inside the NBA Spinoff Show

May 25, 2007 in Cleveland Cavaliers, Detroit Pistons, Lebron James, NBA, NBA Casual Stuff, NBA Linkage, NBA Photoshopery, NBA Playoffs, NBA Talky, NBA TV Shows

How else can you explain the horrible-ness that is the under 80 points for both Games 1 and 2? I know they like to slow down those games, but DAMN, give us something. The issue is more than the low scoring obviously, but it’s more about the lackluster ompf of intensity.

Every play feels slow… and painfully predestrian. Here’s why:

Pistons side of things — they’ve been there for the past 5 years. They probably KNOW they can win this easy (as they should) but even they can’t even fool themselves into turning up the switch and being straight out dominating. Detroit is going by “willing the win” only. Certainly, if this is against the Spurs, they don’t have a catch, but it’s Cleveland, they don’t know crap.

Cavalier side of things — It’s on Lebron. No, I’m not saying BronBron is to be blamed for the two losses where his decision is being questioned all over. But that the entire team is as good as he is. That’s a knock on the Cavs not Lebron. No one else is making it hard for the Pistons. Seriously who? Big Z, slow. Sasha has a girl’s name so right away that’s a wash. Gooden? I forgot he was even in this series.

Nope, there’s nothing on the Cavs side that make me think: oh gee willikers, the Pistons might have trouble with him

Now, for something different…

If you’re like me… nearly impossible, because I’m 12 feet tall, you certainly love Inside the NBA. It’s more than a post game recap, it’s an actual good television show — it’s got humour, graphics, music choices are spendid. By now everyone knows the characters: EJ (though wasn’t on last night)’s the straight man, making jabs here and there on Chuck; Charles is the Homer Simpson of the bunch; Magic Johnson wants to sound like he’s about to be quoted, and Kenny just rolls with it. I would love to see the show being franchised, you know, like Law & Order and all 68 versions of C.S.I.

HMMMMMM…

Ernie Johnson: Welcome to Inside the Laser Tag alongside with me as always is Hall of Famer Magic Johnson, Kenny the Jet Smith and Charles Barkley…

Charles Barkley: Hey Ernie! Let me just say something real quick here. LOOK, I don’t care if the Blue team is losing, I’m still picking them to win the series. They showed something I haven’t seen before and that’s why I’m going to pick them.

Ernie: Kenny? Your pictures?

Kenny Smith: See, it’s interesting to see the dynamics after 5 Rounds. The Green team can play fast, or small… if you freeze it riiiiight there, KABLAM! see how the Red Team leader got ran up from behind by a smaller player. Championship players know how to play in all types of styles, that’s just how it go.

Magic: Ha ha ha ha ha.

Ernie: What’s your thoughts Magic?

Magic: You see Ernie, it’s like when I was playing with James Worthy, I was still the best player HA HA HA, but I knew when to give him the ball. The Blue team doesn’t know to pass…um… the laser… and they need to step up.

Charles: But Magic, Magic, look, Jerry Sloan is one of my faaaavorite people in the NBA, and it’s a damn shame we watchin the talent tonight. Man, Michael Jordan is rolling in his grave!

Ernie: Alright, that wraps up…

Charles: One more thing! I can’t believe the Green Team didn’t double team the Blue team. I mean come on now… come on… come on, this is the championship we’re playing in, not the kindergarten! If was in there, there aint no one but me and my laser gun and we be blasting our way through. I’ma put a hurt on somebody

Kenny: The only hurt you put is on your waist

Ernie, Magic, Kenny: HA HA HA HA