Archive for the ‘Thursday Thumbtacks’ Category
… and stop smoking that damn bong! While you slowly arise from the stupor, please, watch the following 9 minutes of bliss:
That’s to get all your casual NBA buddies to get the fuck up and watch some bball and get them away from that NHL nonsense (a puck? and a stick?! what is this, Soviet Russia??)
Finally, playoffs are (is?) here. Round 1 Predictions are as follows:
Detroit V. Orlando: Rock City in 4
WHAT WILL HAPPEN—Rasheed will probably devour Jameer Nelson, like, literally EAT him
Cleveland V. Washington: Cavs in 4
WHAT WILL HAPPEN—Dan Steinz will sub in for Jarvis Hayes and hit the game winning 3 … in our dreams…
Toronto V. New Jersey: Dinos in 6
WHAT WILL HAPPEN—TJ Ford, one moment dribbling the ball up court, the next, disappears into Mikki Moore’s hair
Miami V. Chicago: UPSET!! Heat in 6
WHAT WILL HAPPEN—Scott Skiles and Antoine Walker make out. Like, madly kissing and shit.
Dallas V. Golden State: Mavs in 4
WHAT WILL HAPPEN—A collective “huh?” is heard when Austin Croshere checks in.
Phoenix V. Los Angeles: Suns in 5
WHAT WILL HAPPEN—Phil Jackson, in a timeout, reaches Zen Level 9000 and immediately singlehandely win a game. Making Kobe go “pshhh, did that Tuesday son”
San Antonio V. Denver: Spurs inOH SHIT JOEY CRAWFORD! It’s Joey muthafuckin Crawford!! And he has a steel chair ladies and gentlemen! Oh my god, all hell has broke loose!! Tim Duncan DID.NOT.SEE.THAT.COMING. WRESTLEMANIA 50!!!!
Utah V. Houston: Rockets finally win, in 6
WHAT WILL HAPPEN—Carlos Boozer’s head versus Shane Battier’s head… we all lose.
Oh, no no no no. No. That is just a joke. The NBA didn’t really surrender, “ha ha”, of course they were “willing” “participants” in letting the Cavaliers “play” the Magic in exhibition games over at La Chine. “Of course.”
(shh! Comrades, we must not let the impending People’s Liberation Army get to us, the password to the safehouse is: varnish)
What does this all mean? Nothing really, for Sternbot, it’s your annual hypnotizing of the Chinese world to love the NBA; for LeBron and Dwight Howard? They’ll finally have a chance to return their rented copies of Hello Kitty 5: Destruction at Cloud City. All in all, when this thing hits, I’m approximizing that half of kids in attendence will be wearing bananas … so thuged out yo.
So I’m super doper sick with school-like symptoms with a hot fever of 2 essays that need to be done by Monday. The cure is to write 200 words in 3 hours, then goof off for next 9 hours. This recipe is flawless, and delicious.
To commemorate all that NBA/China/Hip Hop-ness (as well as semi-addressing some rather silly and that “stereotyping” non-sense, which, from what I gather around the nets, isn’t too damaging), here is good ol’ Dave Chappelle:
(Don’t worry Comrades, I’ll be posting as I’m likely to procastinate, a lot… in fact I’m doing it right now…)
LET’S be completely; honest here. I have not seen every single NBA game this season, for that is un-possible. I have not seen every Suns game this season, for I live in a country that hates sunlight, loves hockey and apparently wants to “diversify” their NBA coverage beyond just one team (losers!). But, what does this is all mean in regards to last night’s Mavericks vs. Ph.X Suns tilt?
It was the best game of the regular season.
Don’t care about that TripOT Nets/Suns score-gasm from while back — there wasn’t any noticeable defense (due to sick offense I know..) that made you as a fan jump up whenever a stop was made. Don’t care about anything other than knowing #1 and #2 weren’t budging one bit to show everyone and themselves that they are supreme.
From this entry’s title, one may think I’m giving the win to Nash solely, one is right. Steven Nash is awesome. STAT had a lot to do with the W as well, but hitting the 3 FTs (practically a gimme for him, but still); hitting the 3 to send to OT; drawing charges; making passes to Stoudamire’s kneecaps rah rah rah. He did it.
If Jesus came back to play ball for the Lakers and he saw game tape of Nash and how he runs the Suns, I’m quite sure He of Nazareth would say, “Ooooh heeeell no! I’m not competing against that! That’s some heavy dosage will-power son!”
Mavericks on the other hand, are also a thing to be admired. The roles of each player are so well defined that their machine has very little weakness. JeT knows exactly when to hit big buckets; J-Ho knows he can get fast points by beating any defenders and Dirk… well… you just don’t count him out, ever. That vicious Dirk Dunk, “Dir-unk”, shows just how tenacious he is now more than ever. Like, wanting to rip you skull off type tenacious.
Seeing those all those elements mash up into 4 quarters and 2 extra periods was pretty nifty.
It was the best game of the regular season…. until April 1st that is…
[Note: Okay, everything above was quite the exaggeration, as I wrote all that right after the game ended. Eh, I'm impulsive that way. But darn it if it wasn't a fun game for all to be had (except, well, the Mav fans and Mark Cuban's goatee)]