*dut.. dut.. dut.. dut dududududududduddudud*

The Following Takes Place Between 9am and 9:13am
Washington D.C. — Morning of the 4th of July: Oval Office

Chloe O’Brien: Mr. President! CTU just got word from German Intelligence that there might be a terrorist cell in L.A. that’s planning massive attack today!

Gilbert Arenas: First of all Chloe, it’s Mr. Black President. Damn girl, didn’t you hear? I’s got me myself a starter spot on the All-Star game. Rekonize!

Chloe: um.. okay whatever. CTU says this is Priority 1, and you know what a priority one…

Gilbert: Okay, don’t patronize me Ms. O’Brien, I know quite well what a Priority 1 is. Need I remind you I was/still am Agent Zero?

(Chloe makes her pouty face and slightly rolls her eyes)

Chloe: Fine, how do you think we should proceed?

Gilbert: There’s no choice but to send in our top guy.

(Chloe immediately breaks the tiniest of smiles)
Chloe: He’s already on the line.

Jack Bauer: Bauer here.

Gilbert: What–who’s this? Woah, I thought we were getting Kobe Bryant…

Kobe…? With all due respect sir, you cannot be serious. I know you think you have faith in a basketball player. But I’m a trained field agent that served under 2 other black presidents besides yourself and I can get the job done NOW.

Chloe: We should listen to Jack.

Gilbert: Hmm, let me think for a second.. uh-NO.

Bauer: You’re making a huge mistake…

Gilbert: Man, this fool still yappin? Cut off his line asap.

Bauer: …a potential terrorist strik—


Gilbert: God I thought he’d never shutup.. ‘blah blah, cool velvet-y voice
blah blah’, what a douche haha. Am I right Chloe, what up?

(President Arenas raises arm for high-five…)


Don’t leave me hangin’ dawg!

You’re [bleeping] idiot. Here’s your precious Mr. Bryant.

Kobe (talking off to the side): …yeah so then I said, I want a manicure
AND a pedicure or I’m taking my business else—oh, I’m on..? uhh heeeey!

yo BryBry, sources tell us that there might be a terrorist in your area

Oh word?

I know right? Crazy world.. anywho.. wanna help us out?

I dunno dude, I’m still a bit mad about that time you dropped 60 on me..

Ah crud, would you let it go already? Everytime we meet you bring it up! I don’t even talk about it as much as you do!

ugh.. fine.. I’m going to let it go. Only because of this “threat” business. And I think I have a good idea who it is.

Gilbert: Hook us up!

Kobe: Isn’t is obvious? It’s gotta be… Vlad, I mean, he’s really not even trying.

(Cut to somewhere inside Staples Center…)

Vladimir Radmanovic (on the phone): Yes, yes, they don’t suspect me one bit. I think my disguise is perfect!

Unseen Shadowy Character (on the other line): Excellent. Prepare for the Phase 5 initiation…

(camera pans over… and the reveal of the Unseen Character/twist of this episode is…..)


*bionk bomp bionk bomp bionk bomp*

And yes, that is really the omnipresent Mr. Dwyer, or KD, his Bloodz gang handle. Any friend of the hoops blogospherum is a friend of ours — check out KD’s SI.com work and his latest Power(layup) Rankings where I wish more candid headshots were used… a la lil’ (Drunk) Dun Dun.


  1. so vlad is evil?

    this is fantastic, i wonder what would happen if luke walton and the guy who played ball with him was in this show..it would be classic

  2. The show will be cancelled due to major suckage in acting 8)

  3. Nice domain, that new?

  4. Yessur.. it was up at the beginning of the week too. The banner actually has it, though it’s so light people will go blind from attempting to read it.. (tweakin it soon..)

  5. Whaaaaaat are you talking about, I thought Iverson was Prez???

  6. uhh….oh boy.. HEY WHAT’S THAT! *points*

    (runs away in other direction giggling)

  7. ronny Turiaf shud be vice president

  8. as a show “24” sucks quite simply…..

    i find the premise of this show irritating. furthermore, the weekly situations that “Jack Bauer” finds himself in are a bit too McGuyverish for me.

    Why don’t they just make an episode where Gilbert Arenas beats the crap out of Jack Bauer and then proceeds to slam dunk Bauers head from the free throw line….

  9. hmm, Gil has magical powers and all, but I think he doesn’t quite have the ups.. good imagination though

  10. gilbert actually is a double agent softing up the US , before the Covenant and Master Chief alliance breaks in and kills everyone

  11. ha ha, i know NOTHING of basketball in USA, but this is hilarious!

  12. Dave

    Nice attention to detail with Chloe smiling at the mention of Jack.

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