Jesus Got Fined $80 000 For Discussing Durant

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Coming hot off the asses of the recent fines given out from the NBA to Danny Ainge and Michael Jordan is Team Christianity’s GM, Jesus, for speaking publicly about NCAA stud Kevin Durant.

Jesus got fined a whooping $80 000 for reportedly talking to several prominent (dead) NBA agents from his home in Heaven.

“Yo, this is fucking bullshit,” said J-Dawg, “I was merely commenting on his upside! Is it wrong to compliment a player nowadays? The Hell??”

Lucifer could not be reached at press time to respond to Jesus’ possible slight towards his Lair of Darkness.

“Look,” says He who turned water into wine, “MJissey, (oh, only I get to call him that, we’re tight), didn’t do anything wrong either, so I think Stern has some sort of God-complex — yeah, the irony isn’t lost on me.

“I mean, these kids, what will they say when they’re being interviewed by Stuart “Pervert Eyes” Scott when they get drafted? Certainly they need to know I’m approving of their talents so that they can say, ‘First of all, I’d like to thank Jesus…’ So come on, I’m just keeping the system flowin’!”

Though Kevin Durant may or may not be coming to the NBA next year, he sure has influenced tons of money, the latest being Kobe Bryant’s alleged call on behalf of Nike for a shoe deal:

Word is Kobe Bryant has already called Kevin Durant on behalf of Nike and that a shoe deal ranging between $30 million and $50 million simply needs to be presented.

Jesus plans on calling NBA Commissioner David Stern to make arrangements for lowering the fine, claiming he’s a little strapped for cash, something to do with prostitutes’.

As always, The Unrelatedness will be following this story as it develops.

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