Magic 8 Ball Says … Time to Sink or Swim

maverickseightball.jpgEvery Wednesday from now until the playoffs (or eternity, whichever comes first), the Unrelatedness shall embark on a writing quest to look at which teams will look to make a substantial impact in the postseason… and the latest ‘trends’… whatever the hell that is.

Maverick wasn’t just a title for the lame movie starring renowned Jewish historian Mel Gibson, it is also the name of the Dallas squad who are very good at playing the sport where participants bounce a spherical object into a netted goal. (Apologies all around if I somehow associated the Mavs with Gibson… that’s just the way my mind went… I’m not taking it back though!) You see, the Dallas Mavericks aren’t just good, they are like that kid in grade school that KNOWS EVERYTHING: how they get the different colours in the fireworks — they know it; How you can make your own recycled paper — they know how; Why the Titanic is causing environment concerns — Billy Taylor knows why! God, such a prick.

umm… where was I… oh yea, NBA: Look, Dirk & Co. are so well oiled up right now, Ron Jeremy is jealous. The game against PHX notwitstanding (because it was a fantasic game either way), Mavs know how to close out games. You can’t buy mental toughness like that at Chinatown no matter how much Mr. Cheng swears to you his ‘mental toughness dried cow liver’ is worth your $25!

Sunny Delight is a drink I’ve never actually drank in my life. True fact. However, the Phoenix Suns on the other hand, I just can’t get enough of even if they came in liquid form. As solid as they have been this year… and they’re probably solid-er than their previous two transcendent seasons, I hope to Buddha that they make it to the Finals. I’m by no means saying their season and reputation is “lost” or whatever, but just to legitimize their status as contender — not just in the regular season — is something they need in order to play the same way next year.

Hey, I love their style as much as anyone, that is why it means that much more to see them at the biggest stage.

Spur-tas-tic? I dunno about you, but the SanAn-ton-io (probably not spelled that way) Spurs remind me of the original Drunken Master. One look at them, you’re thinking they couldn’t hold water to Uncle Dan over at the YMCA Rec League. But nay my friends, that is how the Drunken Master works… they booze all day, going tipsy on you, letting you think they can’t even stand on their own two feet, then — BAM! — 3rd Form, 2nd Stage Palm Grasp in the jugular punks!

On an entirely unrelatedness note in regards to the Spurs: I really hate their metallic off-jersey. Please destroy those poste haste.

The Beast of the East is something I competely made up. It doesn’t exist. It’s like the Tooth Fairy, Loch Ness and the Moon Landing, all fabrications of a madman. Who is going to represent the East this year with an iron fist?

The Heat probably are the safest/weirdest bet as they somehow made a bet with the devil to rehab Dwyane Wade as fast as possible while maximizing their games. When/should Wade come back as post-season hits, their style of play is a hassle to play with, big or small. Detroit looks to be tuning it up for the final stages and could very well avenge their loss to Miami as well. Cavaliers: screw them, I don’t believe in them, their defense won’t be able to contain the aforementioned other two squadrons of death. Chi-town‘s military base team is getting everyone amped up for their long run, and they very well could do it… but their game is fashioned so tight, I feel as though someone/something’s going to pop (probably one of Skiles’s veins…)

Taking a look at tonight’s matchups… holy shit there’s a lot of games on! Philly at D.C.: help each other out, Oden for Division title…… Indiana at Joisay: battle of hot mediocrity action…… Miami at T-Dot: if the Dinos are capable of winning this one, they will own this year’s title for Resilient Team…… and finally Bucks at Dallas: it will look like that scene at the beginning of Scarface……

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  1. If the Suns win the championship, there should be a Sunny D-esque commercial.

    (kids open fridge)
    Kid- “Let’s see we’ve got Dallas, San Antonio…Detroit…Miami…SUNNY D! ALRIGHT!”




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