Thursday Thumbtacks: Dude, Wake Up, It’s The Playoffs!

… and stop smoking that damn bong! While you slowly arise from the stupor, please, watch the following 9 minutes of bliss:

That’s to get all your casual NBA buddies to get the fuck up and watch some bball and get them away from that NHL nonsense (a puck? and a stick?! what is this, Soviet Russia??)

Finally, playoffs are (is?) here. Round 1 Predictions are as follows:

EAST

Detroit V. Orlando: Rock City in 4
WHAT WILL HAPPEN—Rasheed will probably devour Jameer Nelson, like, literally EAT him

Cleveland V. Washington: Cavs in 4
WHAT WILL HAPPEN—Dan Steinz will sub in for Jarvis Hayes and hit the game winning 3 … in our dreams…

Toronto V. New Jersey: Dinos in 6
WHAT WILL HAPPEN—TJ Ford, one moment dribbling the ball up court, the next, disappears into Mikki Moore’s hair

Miami V. Chicago: UPSET!! Heat in 6
WHAT WILL HAPPEN—Scott Skiles and Antoine Walker make out. Like, madly kissing and shit.

WEST:

Dallas V. Golden State: Mavs in 4
WHAT WILL HAPPEN—A collective “huh?” is heard when Austin Croshere checks in.

Phoenix V. Los Angeles: Suns in 5
WHAT WILL HAPPEN—Phil Jackson, in a timeout, reaches Zen Level 9000 and immediately singlehandely win a game. Making Kobe go “pshhh, did that Tuesday son”

San Antonio V. Denver: Spurs inOH SHIT JOEY CRAWFORD! It’s Joey muthafuckin Crawford!! And he has a steel chair ladies and gentlemen! Oh my god, all hell has broke loose!! Tim Duncan DID.NOT.SEE.THAT.COMING. WRESTLEMANIA 50!!!!

Utah V. Houston: Rockets finally win, in 6
WHAT WILL HAPPEN—Carlos Boozer’s head versus Shane Battier’s head… we all lose.

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  1. Reese

    Heart still beating fast after that footage, was better than my last sexual encounter.

  2. Steve

    LOVE IT! If only this shit could really happen, then i would be more excited too. Especially the Crawford-Duncan showdown!

  3. @ Reese: Best. Comment. Ever. 😀




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