Off Season Miscellaneousness: Quotes

Time for wacky features during the non-NBA time of the year. Today I’d like to debut here on the Unrelatedness— Off Season Miscellaneousness. The OSM (pronounced Ozzz-MEN) looks at random non-linear, non-sequitor, non-relevant basketball stories around the world where I try to make funny. Here I goes: Quotes!

Greg Oden getting his WNBA-love on

I never had a thought about the WNBA before, except when Lisa Leslie dunked the ball, which is one of my favorite dunks of all time, but if they play like that i would love to go to the games all the time.

!!! Emphasis totally mine!!! Gregory! I know you’re young and all (psst! I’m young too!) and I know that Double-L’s dunk was historic… STILL! There are so many dunks over the course of human history, and you had to choose that one. But props to you for saying it like you feel tho

Kobe Bryant likes using the naughty wordz

“Ship his [rear end] out. We’re talking Jason Kidd,” said Bryant. “They didn’t want to do that. That’s why we’re in this [messed up] position.”

Tranlatorz: [rear end] = is what Andrew Bynum plays like; [messed up] = is what Lakers are, where Kobe had a hand in it, whether he likes it or not

Agent Zero is writing a book

I’m writing a book.

It ain’t going to be the T.O. “I Need My Ball” or whatever that book was called. It ain’t going to be the Phil Jackson book. Mine is going to be more like Chicken Soup for the Soul. Mine is going to be like that with more funny stuff. It’s going to be hilarious.

Stuff like, “If you’re a No. 1 or No. 2 pick, why do you need an agent?” Reality stuff like that. You might as well just give your money to Vegas because that’s all you’re doing with the agent, you’re just giving it to him. Because you’re the No. 1 or No. 2 pick, point blank, you don’t need an agent. It’s a slotted system now. It’s not like you’re Glenn Robinson coming out saying “Give me $100 million.” You can’t do that anymore.

So it’s going to be mostly funny stuff like that. Attacking people, attacking the system, attacking critics … stuff like that.

It’s going to be the funniest basketball player book, I can bet on that.


  1. 1 I Want to be a Sports Agent » Blog Archive » Carnival Of The NBA #45 - Final Draft

    […] knows something about Agent Zero. Apparently he is in the process of writing a book like Chicken Soup for the Soul. Jewish mothers are getting […]

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