Snobbery Watch Measuring-Thing™ for the NBA

Around the Unrelatedness, we feel there’s a need to have a sense of style and taste (we are of course typing this on a gold-encrusted keyboard while eating delicious dolphin meat). That is why we feel it is in our interest to educate the youngins out there so that we can embrace a better world in the future (where plastic forks are outlawed due to a new chapter in the Bible declaring that it is a sin to humanity! true story!)

Okay, where the hell did we go… oh yes, style and taste and all that. Sooo, we now want you to be familiar with NBAOU’s official Snobbery Watch Measuring-Thing™ (*cough* it’s a scale *double-cough*) for the NBA!

Snob Watch? Why…?
It’s basically a contrived device we thought up 5mins ago that lets us hate on someone or something about the NBA without any real justifiable reason. Thus, being a snobby bastard

So… it’s just like… a mini-rant…? You realize you’re blogging already, isn’t that the same thing?
Hey smartass, STFU! Who the hell are you?? We don’t need to answer— um.. okay, we’ll it’s a bit more nuanced than that. You see, Snob-Watching is when there is something perceived as “cool” or “in” at the moment and we’ll tell you why that is so “uncool” and how your sister is ugly

Hey, that’s not nice 😦
Sorry, just projecting low self-esteem *group hug*

How does it work? Something more than “they all suck” please
It’s like this:
Fergie: millions of little girls worship her for some insane reason (probably something to do with the water) and she’s g’damn everywhere. Her songs are being played ad nauseum on the radio and far as we can tell, apparently there’s something “sexy” about her. A Snob Watch of “Fergie” means that the person is: too overexposed; bad talent (*that’s* singing?); and a sense that they are a unique trendsetter when in fact their style is annoying painful

Zach Braff: has a knack for being the leading man in movies where it’s all very emo-land. Pretty much the same character, same range in most of them. Somehow is making us believe he’s a star. A Snob Watch of “Zach Braff” means that: they are overachieving; fan base size does not match quality size; and not as charming off-screen (NOTE: we actually love his character of JD on Scrubs, well, seasons 1-3 JD, just to put this in context… because Scrubs is frikkin awesome. Annnnd another thing, we don’t really mind him, but since there’re plenty of snobbing on him around other pretentious elitist snobs, hell, why not)

Sophia Coppola: this is a harder one to explain (that’s what she said!) but it basically boils down to — making films that we’re supposed to learn something deep and insightful, but in the end it all becomes very ambiguous (the annoying kind of ambiguous) where the films end up looking aesthetically very nice, but that’s about it. A Snob Watch of “Sophia Coppola” means: they are all about the sizzle and not about the steak; and a small group of devoted followers (apologists) will defend them til death

Dane Cook: a very popular comedian rising in the mainstream consciousness and whose MySpace page is probably more famous than MySpace itself. However, this is interesting, because the Snob factor is at question here: critics freakin’ hate him, and it is even worse The Internet (as in, with the general pop, tons of folks love him, but pretty much everywhere we looked online, Cook has been thrashed) so is it still snobby to use Mr. Cook as someone that’s “in” even though tons of other folks knock him? Hmm… We gotta admit, we liked him and his bits, before the recent “blow up” of success—but, you know, being part of the Internet means we have to Snob away… and so we must. A Snob Watch of “Dane Cook” means: they are on the up of being insanely successful but it just feels (in the gut) that the successfulness shouldn’t be *that* insane; and that their level of popularity is as high as their unpopularity

Good LORD that was wordy, hows about an example of this in use for your beloved NBA?
Here goes: Snobbery Watch Measuring-Thing Victim #1 is— LeBron James.

Right, sure sure, we know, it’s easy to knock down the king (especially when you build him up a month ago) since he got his ass handed to him by the Spurs last month in the Finals. But realistically speaking, dude is as popular as ever. That’s perfect for Snob Watch. He has been coasting on his super skills that we can’t see the correlation of his true deserved fame. Yeah, he’s a freak of nature, one of kind player every 1o years, but as last season has shown, he was just so very “meh” up until the Detroit Pistons playoffs series.

So with the first edition of Snob Watch, we crown LeBron James Snob Status of Sophia Coppola where obviously his kickass on-court powers are very pleasing to the eye whenever he explodes, but besides the one blow up every so often, we are left feeling a huge void of his true essence, waiting to burst out. Take pride James, in being the first victim of this stupid silly and daft little exercise in bitchery, so that perhaps somehow, somewhere, a friend of a friend of a mom’s sister will read this and tell you that you got Sophia Coppola-ed, and hopefully you’ll work to change that, ASAP.


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