Your Complete Guide to Referee Sainthood 101

The Gibberish:

Alright alright, it’s been about a good week’s worth of just about everyone and their dead cats (Murray and Felonious) determining the end of professional basketball’s sanctity. Fuck all of that. You know why for us hoops fans, we squirm whenever the phrase “this is the biggest black eye to face the NBA in its history…” is used in a column or uttered on TV? It’s because that doesn’t fit at all. The gravity is way too high for this event — the real buzzkill is the over-usage of the that term when, if you just take a second and look … the sport has not been uprooted at all, but just a simple love tap.

There is cheating, and it’s serious, but not a fraction of it really undermines why we love watching 99% of the games. So chin up everyone out there that’s feeling uneasy — the only reason you feel that way is because you know you’ll still love the NBA wholeheartedly… And for some weird reason, because of this Donaghy fuckbag you now have a feel like there’s an obligation to feel guilty? Nah, forget it. Just let it go, this event hasn’t changed anything.

The Gibberish pt. ii (but with funny):

Phew, got that outta my chest now that the “serious” voice is locked up without food or water, here is the official Unrelatedness’ Guide to Referee Sainthood™ where it is system for the NBA to truly, for complete certainness, know that the refs are as clean as bizarro Lindsay Lohan:

1) When asked if they gamble on anything and they answer:

    a) I don’t gamble
    b) I gamble, but just a little
    c) fuck you narc! where’s my lawyer bitch?
    d) I will sell my mother to repay debts

a), b), d) will tell you that they are liars. A reply of c) is just rude

2) When asked if they know anyone in the mob and they answer:

    a) haha? the mob? yeah right that exists, ha!
    b) the only mobster I know is Fat Tony on the Simpsons
    c) where ma lawyer at fools?
    d) David Stern is the biggest gangsta of them all ha ha ha

all of the above will tell you this person is insane

3) When asked if they cut their own hair

    a) what does that have to do with anything
    b) yeah actually, I do, thanks for noticiing!
    c) bitch, ma lawyer goin’ dun the haircuttin’
    d) The Gambino family has a hairdresser— uh-oh

And so, that’s how we deduce things.

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  1. Robert Paluson

    You have a very professional looking site. However, you should consider some writing courses… it’s hard to follow your thought process due to your sentence structure. Don’t get me wrong… I understood your article, however I shouldn’t have to try and decipher code to figure it out! Your observations of the media world are not difficult concepts; therefore it should be a very easy read.

    You write like Yogi Berra speaks!

    If the world were perfect, it wouldn’t be.
    90% of the game is half mental.
    We made too many wrong mistakes.
    I really didn’t say everything I said.

    I understand the meaning of everything above, problem is you have to decipher a simple concept.

  2. MR. Robert Paluson, you have not installed the DECIPHER 3000.




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