Archive for the ‘NBA Awards’ Category

It’s like this, fool me once, shame on you, fool me — you can’t get fooled again. Also, in another universe, a white ex-Duke player (oxymoron..) and a reality show person are somehow “relevant” (perhaps I’m making it worse by dabbing into it as well, HOWEVA, it led me to combine the two to make a post)

You see, far too often in the lives of obscure NBA players are they succumbed to fates unkind to their personal relationships with members of the opposite sex. Here at the Unrelatedness, I’ll provide some key pointers for those that have no “charm” or aren’t “smooth” when it comes to the seedy world of dating…

On Dating Women in the Media…
DON’T go out with beat reporters, for you’ll be subjected to the following question:
“how did you feel about your performance?”
“was it something I did to disrupt your confidence or it just wasn’t your night?”
“what will you do in the second half to break the defense a little more”

DO go out with these “journalists/anchorwomen” (mini-NSFW!)

On Dating Women in the public office…
DON’T go out with this lady that says she’s crazier than Lorena Bobbitt
DO go out with Madeline Albright, HOTTT!

On Dating Women that looks like a hooker but really isn’t…
DON’T do it, she’s a cop
DO…… NOT DO IT ANDRAY! Big mistake!

Talk about snubbery! No The Wire anywhere? Friday Night Lights got a couple nods, but nothing to do with the actors, story, or the overall show. Blasted Hollywooders! (mini-update: Dick in a Box got nominated, AHAHAHA, yes!)

As I’ve been doing this for about 365+ days or so, I must haphazardly turn this otherwise unrelated event around to include the precious NBA.

Outstanding Drama Series:
-Kobe Bryant & Lakers Mgmt.
-Mark Cuban and Don Nelson
-David Stern and “rules”

Outstanding Lead Actor in a Comedy Series:
-Gilbert Arenas; Washington Wizards, blogger
-Stephon Marbury; New York Knicks, blogger, tv show, philanthropist, going-insane-person
-the entire Eastern Conference; making us believe there was a point in the 06-07 season

Outstanding Choreography:
-Shaq, Dwight and LeBron; All Star Practice goof-off
-Charles Barkley and Dick Bavetta; THE KISS
-Golden State Warriors Girls; behind the scenes practice (actually that segment was pretty fucking funny, kudos Sports Action Team!)

Around the Unrelatedness, we feel there’s a need to have a sense of style and taste (we are of course typing this on a gold-encrusted keyboard while eating delicious dolphin meat). That is why we feel it is in our interest to educate the youngins out there so that we can embrace a better world in the future (where plastic forks are outlawed due to a new chapter in the Bible declaring that it is a sin to humanity! true story!)

Okay, where the hell did we go… oh yes, style and taste and all that. Sooo, we now want you to be familiar with NBAOU’s official Snobbery Watch Measuring-Thing™ (*cough* it’s a scale *double-cough*) for the NBA!

Snob Watch? Why…?
It’s basically a contrived device we thought up 5mins ago that lets us hate on someone or something about the NBA without any real justifiable reason. Thus, being a snobby bastard
To See The SWMT In Action, Click To Read On

Ughhh.. Hungover-ness… here be she Drunk-Live-Blog (tons of shit gutted out and edited for ease to read… and all around health issues)

Once again with the lovely Miss G bringing the funny and Hype G bringing the.. well, something… sorry for the lack of formatting like last time… was… a… little… busy… doing… “things”

7:44 PM Miss Gossip: DAMMIT

missed the #1

TheHype: don’t worry, NOTHING HAPPENED

7:46 PM TheHype: “he has a crush on Beyonce”

Miss Gossip: awwwwwwww

statutory rape

TheHype: B? or Jay-Z?

7:47 PM Miss Gossip: ewww what???

Miss Gossip: who’s going for ATL?

TheHype: Yi

my Chinese ancestors are calling it

Miss Gossip: love Horford’s dad. shout out to all my Dominicans!

7:51 PM TheHype: whoop whoop

7:52 PM Miss Gossip: oh man

too fast

time to pour a drink

what you drinking on?

7:53 PM TheHype: JD and coke

Miss Gossip: NICE

TheHype: what’s your juice?

7:54 PM Miss Gossip: red wine

TheHype: everytime I hear Andy Katz’ name I think of giant cat…

7:59 PM

Miss Gossip: for real

so what do we think, Bucks take the Yiiiii?

8:00 PM TheHype: Milwaukee… their center is an Aussie, their PF is hairless … seems apropos their rookie should be AZN

Miss Gossip: Yi is looking a little tense….

8:01 PM I feel you man, I wouldn’t want to go the Milwaukee either

8:02 PM p.s. his media day photo was by far the best

I may have my new rookie crush

depending on how he plays it when he gets picked

8:03 PM oh crap

here it comes

TheHype: eeeeee

Miss Gossip: don’t do it.

FREE YI!!!

TheHype: BOOM

8:04 PM Miss Gossip: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

he looks hecka pissed

TheHype: Only because the govt already activated the internal poison

8:05 PM TheHype: they are NOT pleased

Miss Gossip: He’s going to get mysteriously injured

now do we really think his name is pronounced EEEEEEE like Stern said?

TheHype: Gongdong whoop whoop!

8:06 PM Stern is drunk

8:07 PM Andy Katz reporter extrodinaire, MEOW!

Miss Gossip: …..picture?

ooooh EEEE talks!

ask that fool how he really says his name

8:08 PM TheHype: his chinglish is slick

8:13 PM TheHype: My Corey Brewer nickname; BrewBear

Miss Gossip: awwwwwwwww

8:17 PM Miss Gossip: I can’t stand Miss Snaggly Tooth

TheHype: Ms Rachel Nichols needs some beauty sleep

Miss Gossip: what’s her name

Rachel

yeah

8:25 PM NOAH

Miss Gossip: OH MY WORD

this is the moment I’ve been waiting for

YES

Miss Gossip: bowtie

8:26 PM

Miss Gossip: Oh shit

Miss Gossip: after I finish making out with Brandan Wright

I’m gonna push up on that bowtie

oh baby doll

please

8:34 PM

TheHype: Acie Law THE FOURTH

8:39 PM Miss Gossip: Acie don’t look super-psyched

8:40 PM TheHype: Oh snap, I think I called Law2da4 in our FanHouse mock

Miss Gossip: you called him what?

8:41 PM TheHype: to go to A-Town

I’M SUPERIOR

8:43 PM you ARE superior.

I love you HypeGuy……

awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

8:45 PM TheHype: gtalk-five!

Miss Gossip: dag fool

that’s all I get?

for LOVING you?

a gtalk-five?

8:46 PM L to the Lame!

TheHype: uh… uhh …[looks around]… you look.. pretty?

[runs]

Miss Gossip: kiss kiss

12th pick

TheHype: Thad Rad

8:47 PM Miss Gossip: naw

“Thad-Yo”

TheHype: hahha me likey

Miss Gossip: yes

yes

Thad-Yo needs to “tighten up his ball skills”

are you drunk enough to find that funny?

8:48 PM TheHype: ballz hee hee hee

yes, very drunketh

Miss Gossip: Just got a message from Enrico, our friend over at The 700 Level…

“Enrico: who is thadeus young?

word.

8:49 PM TheHype: pfft, he’s not on the Thad-Yo-Rad train

8:53 PM

Miss Gossip: Enrico at The 700 Level wants Philly to take Mike Nardi

9:40 PM who?

Mike Nardi?

don’t act like you don’t know the name

ain’t nothing changed but the change

TheHype: Mike who? Mike WHO? mike nardi

Miss Gossip: he will stay the same

TheHype: hahha

9:42 PM Miss Gossip: sorry Enrico

TheHype: Enrico’s gonna be at the 699 level now..

Miss Gossip: HA

9:43 PM no, he likes the trade

9:44 PM 701 Level

TheHype: go Enrico!


(photo: Batman Drunk Passed out by Doug Schwarz)

9:46 PM Miss Gossip: I am so drunk

what pick are we on?

I have no idea

what year is this

TheHype: 68th?

2014

Miss Gossip: HOLY SHIT

TheHype: on Mars

Miss Gossip: are you for real?

I really thought it was 2006

on Earth.

TheHype: you had 2 kids

they both ran away

and water is now poison

9:47 PM ok I’ll stop 🙂

Miss Gossip: THANK GOODNESS I AM DRINKING BEER THEN!!!!!!

(yes, the bottle of wine is done)

9:48 PM TheHype: I think the % of JD and coke is now 91% to 9%

I’ll let you decided which is which

and coke as in cocain

I AINT PLAYIN’ AROUND

10:03 PM Jazz selection? Someone white?

Miss Gossip: HA

10:05 PM cnot white

10:06 PM but he’s from Rice….?

10:07 PM TheHype: as in Condaleeza (sp????)

10:10 PM Miss Gossip: naw as in “white”

10:14 PM Miss Gossip: what’s the game?

drink every time we see Katz?

Miss Gossip: every time someone saus “eeee”?

TheHype: raaawr

10:15 PM Katz! Meow!

10:16 PM actually:

Miss Gossip: HA!!!!!!!!!!!

YES

that’s what I was thinking with the name “Katz”

but in my drunkennes

I couldn’t put my drunk finger on it

10:17 PM TheHype: yous so fudgin drunkfth

Miss Gossip: whaddafugyutalginabou?

10:32 PM TheHype: Dick Vitale BABY, shut up BABY!

10:33 PM seriously STFU

10:34 PM Miss Gossip: when Dick Vitale talks

I hear:

“sdfsdfssdfsdfsdfsdfsd”

“sdfsdfsdfsdfsdfsdfsd”

“sdfsdgfsdsfdsfsdfsd”

TheHype: hahha

10:37 PM Miss Gossip: why is Stern laughing about this trade?

TheHype: i was thinking the same thing

10:38 PM he’s like “ke ke ke ke Pat Riley he he he he”

yo Pet is so happy

10:39 PM Miss Gossip: HAHAHAHAHAHA

this guy’s nickname

is going to be Pet-Ko!!!!!!!

TheHype: BWAHHAHHA

YES

10:39 PM

Miss Gossip: why does portland have mad picks this is like an NFL draft

10:46 PM TheHype: kevin pritchard… or it it richard pritchard? (wait… that doesn’t make sense…) is the devil

10:49 PM Miss Gossip: it’s kevin pritchard

richar pritchard… you’re thinking of Richard Pryer

TheHype: Pryor

we’re both drunk

10:49 PM Miss Gossip: ha

yes

ugh

I almost made it… so so close. Ah well.

OK, so I think I have to at least do something for the Draft around here to at least give myself a legit reputation that I do keep track of this thing called basketball.

Here’s what I think I will do around here today (as best that I can). I shall be updating here and there (re: maybe like, only 1 update) and do whatever to be all analytical and shit.

One thing I can promise for sure (90%!) is I’ll be definitely watching the Draft and via the tubes that is internet — another classic run down with Miss Gossip is very likely to cometh.

So, stay tuned and keep your eyes wide open for today’s awesometown. Oh, ps: TBJ’s back for a second, and there’s GOATSE involved… fun times…

So, I bet you haven’t heard of this feature where “expertised” folks gather around and play Fisher-Price GM by doing a Mock Draft? Well, lucky for you, I have TWO for ya! One I actually participated at the FanHouse and here’s is the other, courtesy of Ballhype’s Carnival of the NBA Group, with pretty much the best of the best of the best of the (ah you get the point) NBA bloggers all trapped in one place fighting for world domination bragging rights. Here’s how they predicted, there was a fist fight somewhere in there, but I, of course, saved the day.

1 Portland – Henry – http://myespn.go.com/nba/truehoop

Greg Oden, by a whisker. Kevin Durant will punish the Blazers for a decade at least for this pick. He’s a beautiful thing to watch, and if Portland ends up taking Durant, I’m THRILLED. But I just got this GM job and I want to keep it, and I have a feeling that with Brandon Roy, LaMarcus Aldridge, and Greg Oden we’re going to be just fine.

2 Seattle – Chris – http://www.sonicscentral.com/blog/

Kevin Durant: The top two prizes in the Draft are Oden and Durant so whoever Portland passes on the Sonics will gladly settle for sloppy seconds.

3 Atlanta – Ryan – http://www.hoopsaddict.com/

Al Horford: The Hawks are tempted to go with the PG they desperately need but GM McNeill decided to wait until the 11th pick in the hopes that Mike Conley Jr is still on the board. If he’s not there, the Hawks will “settle” for the 2007 Bob Cousy Award recipitent.

Zaza Pachulia is a temporarily solution at best for the Hawks and they are looking for some beef up front to pair alongside Sheldon Williams. Williams is a bit undersized as a starting centre at 6’9″ but with a wingspan of 8’8″ he could be paired alongside Harford who is 6’10” to provide a dynamic rebounding duo.

4 Memphis – la287 – http://www.dailybasketball.com/

Brandan Wright: Making his final draft selection as GM of the Memphis Grizzlies, Jerry West decided to add another athletic big man to their roster. “The lottery this year is full of athletic big men, but we feel that Wright can step in right away (no pun intended) and contribute to our team. Wright has the potential to be a major star in this league.”

5 Boston – Jeff – http://www.celticsblog.com

Yi Jianlian: Danny Ainge will be trading for immediate help so he can afford to take the best talent available. Danny thinks Yi is the best talent available. Here be the rest of this Mockory Draft

Everyone loves good o’l Amare Stoudamire right. He viciously dunks on them, how can they not like him? Well, now this young lad is doing things to get away from being known as one half of THE SUSPENSION of the playoffs:

Stoudemire said he was aware of the rule about leaving the bench and doesn’t think it needs to be changed. But he feels that coaches and staff members need to be “more aware that a player’s first instinct is to protect a teammate.”

Stoudemire will be busy this summer. His first college class at ASU — a global history course — begins in July and he will then turn his attention to Team USA workouts in Las Vegas in preparation for the FIBA Americas Tournament in August.

During his workout, Stoudemire joked with a friend that he has an idea for next year’s Suns slogan.

“Forget about ‘Eyes on the Prize,’ man,” he said. “Now it’s just gonna be ‘Revenge.’”

Good for him! That “Global history course” seems scary when you factor in that FIBA championship thing, he just might use it for evvvvvil. And is his biting off a certain Agent Zero’s style with his ‘naming my next season on behalf of being slighted’? Methinks yes. Methinks I just used the word methinks. *shame emoticon*

Suns notebook: Stoudemire a ‘bask-a-holic’ [East Valley Tribune]

Glad we’re done with that abortion of a Finals… Anyhow, the Spurs are incredible, no doubt about it—but let’s just take a moment and celebrate the goodness that is Fabricio Oberto doing a sort of chicken dance next to Freeway. Good times.

Unless Moses, Zeus, Vishnu AND Abraham Lincoln all work their mystical wonder witchcraft and save the Cavaliers, there’s no way we’re having a 5th game in these NBA Finals. Such is a sad sad life. However, fear not, there just might be an inkling of chance (re: nah, just playin’) so here are the 5 Signs You Should Watch Out For Tonight, Where We Might Think There Will Be A Game 5 But Not Really, Because That Would Be Cool, And The NBA Finals Aren’t Cool, Oh Am I Still Talking, Fuck, My Bad, Here You Go:

#5: LeBron Dropping 40+ pts

Surely, I believe the correlation so far has been thus: LeBron can’t score in the field to get into a rhythm. So X plus 0.3 grams of suck = the Cavs lose. If we see a barrage of LePoints, we need to smile just a bit and think the game might be won for the City of Cleveland… only to lose yet again in Cleveland for Game 5

#4: Tim Duncan Turns Into A Werewolf And Runs Away

Timmy D has been everything he’s always been: A freakin’ Hall of Famer every minute he’s played in his life and we can’t do anything about it. What we can hope to happen is that he just leaves Game 4 out of nowhere. I don’t even care if tonight isn’t a full moon, someone do some mad science shit: turn him into a werewolf damnit—now, if someone WolfDuncan can still ball, well, we’re fucked.

#3: Drew Gooden’s Hair Patch Emerges As The Cavs Much Needed Next Go-To Man (Thing)

Obviously what’s hurting more than the Spurs choking defense is the fact that the Cavaliers are scared to make a basket. No joke, everytime they think they should score, they have instant night tremors, and they’re not even sleeping! So expect DrewPatch to step up and dunk on Fabricio tonight.

#2: Someone in the crowd takes out Eva Longoria

I’m not a violent person, per se. I’m not sexist… but sorry, having Eva/ABC infiltrate my living room everytime the Spurs are up, I turn into Jack Bauer and John McClane’s lovechild—somebody gonna get a hurt. I propose someone from the UFC, I dunno, I hear that’s thing’s the cocaine of 2007, everyone’s into it. People will be shocked that a guy knocked out Eva Longoria, but if it’s Chuck Liddell, awwww

and the #1 sign there will be a Game 5: Cavs to Win Game 4

Yeah, call me crazy, but I think if they win Game 4, they just might be able to go to Game 5. I’m crazy like that, calling out wild theories and such, people should lock me up for this type of heresy. But mark my words, if they don’t win tonight, I’ll kick every lil’ puppy I see!

…again… I dunno why I’m so violent today, I think it’s the ‘roids I had for breakfast.