Archive for the ‘NBA Photoshopery’ Category
INDIANAPOLIS — Indiana Pacers forward Jermaine O’Neal is now demanding a trade to NBC’s cult comedy Scrubs.
J.O. has been wishy washy of late when he made a remark to the awesomely named dude from SI.com Arash Markazi that he would “welcome a trade to the Lakers“. He then later backtracked making clear he didn’t actually demand the trade to L.A.
Now, however, word from his agent is that he does want to go to L.A., but for an entirely different reason: to star in the comedy series about hospital hijinks Scrubs.
“Scrubs is funny man!” said O’Neal, “Man, that Sarah Chalke is all sorts of hilarious… and frikkin’ HOT!”
The comedy show star Zach Braff would welcome Jermaine should he be traded: “Two brown bears? Sign me up!”
O’Neal averaged 19.4 points, 9.6 rebounds, 5.3 jokes per possession and 2.6 blocks last season in one of the best performances of his 11-year career.
Danny Ainge: yeeeeello? Double Dose of Danny Ainge at your service!
Kevin McHale: It’s… it’s me… K-Dawg
Danny Ainge: K-man! How’s it hanging? Doing good? Did you see the Simpsons movie??
McHale: Yeah! It was pretty awesome! Didn’t you love the part where— hold up… there was something I called you for…
Ainge: You need to borrow money?
McHale: No.. that wasn’t it…
Ainge: …need to borrow cocaine?
McHale: hmm, might’ve been it, but I don’t think so..
Ainge: oh, maybe you wanted to borrow my hooker?
McHale: hahaha no you silly, she’s already at my place, don’t you remember?
Ainge: hah, oh my, yes.
McHale: Well, whatever it is, I’m sure it’s not important. Glad we talked bra
Ainge: Anytime chum!
Alright alright, it’s been about a good week’s worth of just about everyone and their dead cats (Murray and Felonious) determining the end of professional basketball’s sanctity. Fuck all of that. You know why for us hoops fans, we squirm whenever the phrase “this is the biggest black eye to face the NBA in its history…” is used in a column or uttered on TV? It’s because that doesn’t fit at all. The gravity is way too high for this event — the real buzzkill is the over-usage of the that term when, if you just take a second and look … the sport has not been uprooted at all, but just a simple love tap.
There is cheating, and it’s serious, but not a fraction of it really undermines why we love watching 99% of the games. So chin up everyone out there that’s feeling uneasy — the only reason you feel that way is because you know you’ll still love the NBA wholeheartedly… And for some weird reason, because of this Donaghy fuckbag you now have a feel like there’s an obligation to feel guilty? Nah, forget it. Just let it go, this event hasn’t changed anything.
The Gibberish pt. ii (but with funny):
Phew, got that outta my chest now that the “serious” voice is locked up without food or water, here is the official Unrelatedness’ Guide to Referee Sainthood™ where it is system for the NBA to truly, for complete certainness, know that the refs are as clean as bizarro Lindsay Lohan:
1) When asked if they gamble on anything and they answer:
- a) I don’t gamble
b) I gamble, but just a little
c) fuck you narc! where’s my lawyer bitch?
d) I will sell my mother to repay debts
a), b), d) will tell you that they are liars. A reply of c) is just rude
2) When asked if they know anyone in the mob and they answer:
- a) haha? the mob? yeah right that exists, ha!
b) the only mobster I know is Fat Tony on the Simpsons
c) where ma lawyer at fools?
d) David Stern is the biggest gangsta of them all ha ha ha
all of the above will tell you this person is insane
3) When asked if they cut their own hair
- a) what does that have to do with anything
b) yeah actually, I do, thanks for noticiing!
c) bitch, ma lawyer goin’ dun the haircuttin’
d) The Gambino family has a hairdresser— uh-oh
And so, that’s how we deduce things.
Oooooooooooooh goodness. NBA refs?The mafia? The Feds? We need a movie, like… now.
July 20, 2007 — THE FBI is investigating an NBA referee who allegedly was betting on basketball games – including ones he was officiating during the past two seasons – as part of an organized-crime probe in the Big Apple, The Post has learned.
Federal agents are set to arrest the referee and a cadre of mobsters and their associates who lined their pockets, sources said.
“These are dangerous people [the referee] was involved with,” a source said.
The sources indicated the referee apparently had a gambling problem, slipped into debt and fell prey to mob thugs.
“That’s how he got himself into this predicament” by wagering with mob-connected bookies, one source said.
Yo, this can be tainted—and all those non-NBA folks out there are now armed with even more ammo to hate on the league… but dude, c’est cool! Okay, well, affecting the integrity of the game isn’t as cool, but I don’t care, something like this makes me believe that dark conspiracies around smoky bar tables full of mobsters and guns can still happen!
So WHO IS IT?? We all know Joey Crawford is a loose nut, with that Timmy D thing a while back that got him suspended, but I’m not sure UPDATE: it’s Donaghy (Do-nugh-gee? ack, he even has horrible name to pronounce to go along shotty job-integrity)
Here are your handicaps (irony isn’t lost that we’re fake-gambling on a gambling issue! hee!):
Talk about snubbery! No The Wire anywhere? Friday Night Lights got a couple nods, but nothing to do with the actors, story, or the overall show. Blasted Hollywooders! (mini-update: Dick in a Box got nominated, AHAHAHA, yes!)
As I’ve been doing this for about 365+ days or so, I must haphazardly turn this otherwise unrelated event around to include the precious NBA.
Outstanding Drama Series:
-Kobe Bryant & Lakers Mgmt.
-Mark Cuban and Don Nelson
-David Stern and “rules”
Outstanding Lead Actor in a Comedy Series:
-Gilbert Arenas; Washington Wizards, blogger
-Stephon Marbury; New York Knicks, blogger, tv show, philanthropist, going-insane-person
-the entire Eastern Conference; making us believe there was a point in the 06-07 season
-Shaq, Dwight and LeBron; All Star Practice goof-off
-Charles Barkley and Dick Bavetta; THE KISS
-Golden State Warriors Girls; behind the scenes practice (actually that segment was pretty fucking funny, kudos Sports Action Team!)
Steve Nash is a simple kid really. He enjoys sports, loves to compete and has a fascination with grunge hairstyles. He doesn’t really show off any kind of “flash” per se, only when they’re on court dishes. He’s just your everyday lad doing everyday things.
You ever wonder just how he’s able to pull it all off? Well, I have the answer: he can teleport.
There, I said it. I revealed his secret. I kind of feel dirty now… it’s like revealing a magician’s act (you know, that they actually kill the help girls, that’s why we never see them again… creepy…)
Well, via AZsportsHUB, we find out that Nashy is seemingly everywhere, AT THE EXACT SAME TIME:
- Stalking Steve Nash has never been easier. Especially due to our favorite celebrity stalking site, Gawker Stalker. Not sure how Steve is popping up in both New York City and Vancouver all in the same week, but we suppose that anything is possible!
Steve Nash on his skateboard. He was riding along observing the street scene when I did a double take and gave him a thumbs up – he smiled and gave me a thumbs up back.
Ah, Gawker Stalker, the most reliable and credible system of Stalk if I ever saw one.
Because fuck the press release about him being in Vancouver opening his new sports facility the same week right? That’s totally fake and made up son. Or, of course, dude has time to do a frontside, fakie, 50-50 olie in NYC and then fly back to VanCity to do a silly grand opening. Simple logic.
Stalking Steve Nash [AZ Sports Hub]
Gawker Stalker [Gawker]
Steve Nash to officially open his new sports club July 19th [Press Release]