## Archive for the ‘NBA Trades’ Category

### Behind the Scenes of the Trade

[Phone rings]

Kevin McHale: It’s… it’s me… K-Dawg
Danny Ainge: K-man! How’s it hanging? Doing good? Did you see the Simpsons movie??
McHale: Yeah! It was pretty awesome! Didn’t you love the part where— hold up… there was something I called you for…
Ainge: You need to borrow money?
McHale: No.. that wasn’t it…
Ainge: …need to borrow cocaine?
McHale: hmm, might’ve been it, but I don’t think so..
Ainge: oh, maybe you wanted to borrow my hooker?
McHale: hahaha no you silly, she’s already at my place, don’t you remember?
Ainge: hah, oh my, yes.
McHale: Well, whatever it is, I’m sure it’s not important. Glad we talked bra
Ainge: Anytime chum!

[meanwhile…]

### Woah, Kevin Garnett ISN’T a Timberwolf Anymore?

The biggest question first: But What About Mark Madsen? Who is he going to turn to when he’s out there screaming by his lonesome?? Oh sigh.

And yeah, pretty big news… only like… 4 years in the making. Kevin Garnett is going to be a Celtic.

The trade is for Al Jefferson, Ryan Gomes, Gerald Green, Sebastian Telfair, Theo Ratliff, a giant sandwich, three juice boxes, nine boxes of Juicy Fruit a No. 1 pick.

On the one hand, KG not in the dreary old Minnesota uniform is a welcoming sight. It’s also good to see him able to take a leap of faith in a new direction. However, on the other hand… meh… it’s the Celtics. They just traded away their entire bench (and possibly 3/4 Red Auerbach’s cigar collection) for millions and millions of dolla $igns. Oh I’ll be watching, hopefully — Ray Allen, Paul Pierce and Garnett is bananas, but let’s be real for 2 seconds: they are not going to win a championship. Sorry Bostonians, not like this. ### Grant Hill is a Sphinx Sun… Que? ooooh it’s P-H-X … errm … oops. But I’m gonna call you a liar if you say you never thought of Sphinx whenever you see PHX. Lies! Well, looks like now the Suns have that imaginary fairy godmother called Leadership in the LockerRoom with Grant Hill (sidebar: Leadership in the LockerRoom will be my new air guitar band’s name — in the gangsta tunez of Air Supply bitches) as he signed onto filthy pity loose change in$1.8 million.

Can Hill be the Robert Horry to the Suns? And how sad is it that Horry is, at this very moment, a far better player than Grant Hill? He creates good mid-range off the dribble shots, a concept Phoenix liken to witchcraft. He plays more or less good defense (again, Suns go “what now?”) in an era where his synthetic ankle is better at staying in front of his man than any of the rookies coming in.

So, hell yeah, I think he’s gonna be not only good for the Suns, but make a ton of difference during those lulls where the 3s don’t feel like dropping and Nash get trapped hard away from the give and gos.

PS, the pictoral representation is pretty much how I remember Grant Hill’s true game even after all these Orlando Magic years, namely, that damn Sprite commercial.

### Tuesday Haps: If Your Pizza Isn’t There in 30mins, You Get a Free Handy

So Shard to Magic. Hmm. It’s a boatload of change, but I mean, with the possibility of Grant Hill gone (or worst, staying and still not helping much) and a very young team that doesn’t have that one player that can create when needed… I don’t see why it’s not a good idea.

Sure Lewis isn’t all that and cupcake, but Orlando needs something, anything to upgrade themselves. I pronounce thee: OK signage

#### In other news:

Holy crap Stephon Marbury is jokes jokes jokes| SLAMonline

D’oh! A Deer! A fucking dead female deer | Our Book of Scrap

Dean Cain wants to show off his Kryton balla skillz | Winning the Turnover Battle

Fantasy Bballin’ – who should be #1 pick this year? I say Dick Bavetta | Give Me The Rock

#### In other other (weird and Canuckistan) news:

Giving birth to your half-sister? That’s one of the plots from that Wayans movie wasn’t it? | BBC.co.uk

### The Future of NBA Video Podcast is Here, and Its Name is Chris Bosh

Oui oui, it was the most joyous of Canadian days yesterday for it was THE Canada Day son! It also rained. It freakin always rains on Canada Day here in the M-T-L. Goddamn mooses.

So a couple of months back we brought up the attention to Mr. Chris Bosh’s venture into the podcast land. Now apparently he’s stepping things up with a VIDEO podcast going along with the audio. I watched a bit and dude’s so into it I felt like bottling his enthusiasm and sell it on the black market.

It’s nothing spectacularizing, basically it’s just the raw podcast session videotaped… without the snazzy music… I dunno, it’s not that amazing if you think about it… eh.. shit, well you know what, I thought it’s interesting that Chris is hosting his own show in a media format that doesn’t feel like he’s trying too hard (like ahem, dudes trying to rap…) and he’s just chatting it up, fun stuff. Have a lookie if you have the time here (hmm, that felt a little too marketing to me… I swear I wasn’t paid for this… yet, you listenin’ Bosh?!)

In other, more relevant, apparently Jason “The Lost Member of 98 Degrees” Kapano is joining the Raptors. For those counting at home, the roster is now 239% made up of shooters. Also, J-Peezy now joins Luke Jackson and Kris Humphries as being actually the only legit white boyz on a team full of Euros/Intn masquerading as whiteys (Andrea Bargnani, Jose Calderon, Jorge Garbajosa, Carlos Delfino, Rasho Nesterovic, Uros Slokar plus newest draft dude Giorgos Printezis) and a “he looks white, but I’m not sure” guy (Anthony Parker)

Good stuff I say for Raptors, Kapono is deadly from 3pt land (when he’s not being counted on as the only scorer like Miami needed him down the stretch last season) especially with the fact that Morris Peterson might not be back. He’ll get pleeenty of open looks now that Chris Bosh will be personally offended if he’s not double teamed.

### My Contribution To Kobe-pocalypse

And it’s a doodle… and it’s over here at Das Haus. Enjoy.

### How LeBron Got the Universe On His Side

LeBron, allowing his
armpits to shine
Well, golly gee wonkers, would you look at that. As if by magic, Roi James has now sparked a much needed excitement back into the decaying corpse of what was the 2007 Playoffs. Surely, it wasn’t his overall offensive output, at least not the traditional gauge (25, 7, 11? pfft, my imagary dog can do that), but it was just the way he hovers above the obstacle.

To be frank, he’s playing the way I’d want him to play in that given situation (this might sound absurd, but the Vince Carters of the world have caused so many wounds) by doing all the possible moves I’d prefer over moves I do not prefer.

So what was it, exactly, that allowed LBJ to capitalize on winning, as well as getting back the love of fans all over again? There must be of equal hate elsewhere in the world right?

So, I honour it by investigating the Top 5 Universe Hating That’s Helping Lebron:

“Blue Steel”

### The Down-Lo

It’s not a stretch right? I mean, besides those wickedly funny dudes over at Pounding the Rock… and I guess… some people at the airport, San Antonio true love isn’t really there. Even the Flopper gets a bad grade on the Haus.

### Hate Meter (1 low, 10 high)

8.3 — could be higher, but Beno Udrih is the man!

### How It Helps LeBron

Setting up for a Duncan vs. LeBROWN showdown…

 #4 THE MEDIA HATES ATHLETES’ LIVES

### The Down-Lo

A lot of the recent “big stories” from news outlets seem to focus on the smallest things pro athletes are doing, that has nothing whatsoever to do with the sport. I’m not defending them (both athlete and media) per se, but does the public really care about it past the initial gut reaction

9.6 — I mean, I can only care about a $xx million guy’s club activities for so long ### How It Helps LeBron Well, good thing is he’s still in the Playoffs, so no distractions for him!  #3 THE POLISH GOVERNMENT HATES THE TELETUBIES How do I know you’re gay? ### The Down-Lo Dude, how did the headline writer get away with this? And how can I have a beer with him or her? ### Hate Meter (1 low, 10 high) 7.9 — C’mon Poland, puppet homophobia? ### How It Helps LeBron Not. At. All.  #2 THIS GUY HATES TUCKING IN HIS SHIRT  #1 KOBE BRYANT HATES THE LAKERS Kobe on the Buss of dooooooom ### The Down-Lo ### Hate Meter (1 low, 10 high) 10 000 — you can hear his craving to bite off the head of anyone sporting a Lakers Official credential ### How It Helps LeBron This will be like his past, present and future all mixed nicely into one dramatic bomb which he can study and make sure never to go through ### Rapid Fire: Vince’s Pinky; AK’s Ass Face; Walker Starting and N’Dong Man, I thought Golden State would never lose at home — that’s the contract they signed wasn’t it? Damn, I don’t want to say the Warriors are done…… but…… the Warriors are done. Sorry my dear dear Bay Area pals (you know who you are) but the Jazz aren’t Dallas Choke-vericks. They’ve got Acne Boozer; Turtle D-Williams, Mr. Roboto #47 and Okur. The only other place you’d find that eclectic mix of culture and race in one place is during a drug deal (my frame of reference only extend to stereotypical blockbuster action films and not real life). Last night, if anything was another typical Jazz game. They kept doing their thing and got their win. Warriors, of course, tried to keep doing their thing, just this time the shots weren’t falling. If it did, I’m sure the series would’ve been 2-2 now. But alas, such is why a dream cannot be continued. Andrei Kirilenko, please summarize your thoughts: “People go all crazy,” Kirilenko said. “You dunk on me, OK, next time I’m still going to try to block your shot again. “It’s a different mentality. Guys try to put their ass in your face or say something. I’m not intimidated by that stuff.” Thank you wordsmith. VC15, trapped in the closet (R.Kelly don’t rape sue me) ### In other Playoffs news Vincent Lamar Carter apparently had an ouchie with his vagina pinky finger in Game 3 against the Cavaliers: Vince Carter‘s left pinkie knuckle, bruised in Game 3, was wrapped yesterday. But he said “It’s not broken, so I can play.” Yeah? You can? GREAT. VC’s little boo-boo notwithstanding, I think the LeBrons will take this game tonight. It’s cool and all for Jason Kidd to remember he can shoot from the outside again, ditto for Jefferson getting his, but the sooner this series end, the better it will be on our souls. In other OTHER Playoff news, the Phoenix Suns try not to fall into oblivion. What I’m saying is that if they lose tonight, and go down 3-1, it would make my NBA fandom very sad. Suns making it to the Finals this year means so much for me. It would mean that the NBA has room for all types of champion styles; it would mean that for once, I team I rooted for from beginning to end of season could go all the way; it would mean awesomeness. For all the great things D’Antoni, Nash, Marion, Stoudamire has given us, I feel it’s for nothing and another year gone of Nash’s greatness. Gawd, fucking Spurs. ### Loose Change He’s fat. And a big baby. — Antoine Walker believes he can have his cake and eat 600 of them too! Heat forward Antoine Walker — due$8.5 and \$9.3 million the next two years — said he ”definitely” plans to speak to Pat Riley about his desire to be a starter, if he’s not traded. ”I play better as a starter. For me to be an effective player in this system, there’s a certain way you have to play. We’ve got to balance out this attack.”

Riiiight. There are 5 things wrong in that last statement. But I be classy and not joke of them. Nope. I won’t connect the obvious joke of the words “balance”; “Walker”; “can’t”; and “fat”. No sir, not here!

— And finally, a request to my Spanish readers, help me out: what’s going on in this page, and specifically, shed light on Mr. Boniface N’Dong PLEASE. That is front runner for best name in the history of the world.

### Tidbits: DJ, Trade Yawnage, Adrian Woj Is “Blogging” and Matt Carroll

A solemn goodbye to Dennis Johnson. CelticsBlog is definitely a place to turn to for perspective and while you’re there, give the guys a good ‘ol blog-hug.

Steven Kerr and J-Mac also wrote about DJ’s lasting effect on the word ‘tough’. RIP DJ.

Speaking of Kerr, dude does it all. After doing color commentary for TNT he has the intestinal fortitude to write about how the Heat can still “theoritically” make it work without Wade. Dude, Steve, bro, buddy, I know you’re throwing them a bone and being a respected analyst of the NBA you’ve got to do that.. but c’mon man, say it with me “the-HEAT-are-done” ahh.. feels good huh.

But look, I’m only burying the team and seriously not giving them a chance now so that when they prove me wrong, it’ll be so much easier to root for them. Think about it: they’re in no position to win—8th in the East with Joisey breathing down just one and a half games behind, Wade out 6 weeks to cry some more, and Riles JUST came back… and oh yeah, only 28 games to be played. “Underdog” is right my friends! If they somehow make it and have Wade back strong, hell yeah I’ll be rooting for them, and I’m not a hypocrite if I stated my intentions (true story).

So follow my equation $\frac{x+Heat}{y-Wade}= \int y \mathrm{\Psi}x \times \frac{\Theta}{\Phi} \textit{ where y is Playoffs}$

As you can see, my logic is failproof.

Okay, so the big trades were Fred Jonessss to Portland, Juan Dixon to T-Dot, Anthony Johnson to Hawks and ALAN F’ning HENDERSON to the Jazz. Awesome. Though I’ll say this about Dixon’s move, he’s another solid “scoring” PG for the Raps but since Calderon and Ford are pretty good combo as it is, I have a feeling Dix might have a hard time seeing PT (unless he becomes straight up lock-down defender…)

Matt Carroll. Why did I bring up this obscure cat from the Bobcats? I have no freaking clue. Well, maybe because the last point in Rick Bonnell’s Charlotte Observer blog (if only I can grow a moustache…) he mentioned that Carroll is an all around balla, not just a shooter.

— Most people see Matt Carroll as just a shooter. He’s not. He’s an all-around basketball player who can shoot. During Morrison’s scoring run, Carroll grabbed two huge rebounds against taller players. He’s tough, smart and productive.

Carroll’s line is 43% from the field on 3 of 8, goes to the FT stripe tearing up 92% style, getting 11pts per all in 24 minutes this year. And you know he’s a thug because he’s all arm-band and shit! Matt Carroll, Obama’s running mate.

And lastly, I noticed Yahoo¿ now has faux-blogs from Adrian Wojnarowski here. Good for The ‘Hoo! but the comments section is uugh.. so very message-board-y.. *shudder*

### Thursday Thumbtacks: Jack Of All Trades

damn, I know the title wasn’t original as it is.. then I realize Deadspin used it already.. damnit Will! You know my skill for witty titles only come every other Wednesday!

Is anybody traded yet? Anybody? Bueller?

On to the Tacks!

I’m guessing some of the following have already been linked up all over the webs, but the entires are still amazingly good that it would a crime, against humanity and cute puppies all over the world, if I didn’t put it up here as well.

Check it:

• George Takei: character actor, Sci-fi icon, and now, Tim Hardaway’s fuck buddy newest lover
• …which totally makes sense now that you think about it. No wonder he never auditioned for “Young Wet Bitches”
• Here are my answers to The Feed’s “30 Questions” in totally scrambled order: No, “I dunno”, no, no, no, no, no, yes, no, no, no, “just because”, no, no, “both”, yes, no, yes, yes, yes, no, “six”, “pass”, no, no, yes, yes, “who cares”, no, yes. Piece it together and win a prize! (You’ll get the prize, once you can guess what it is! hint: it’s nothing!)
• STEINZ! Owned! Burn! [expletive regarding Sam Smith!] And aww.. Dan loses the fedora.. I quite liked it (…*voodoo mind trick: send it to me…*) oh, and I cannot wait for BogTV with the ever luminous co-host Jamie Mottram, take that Magic Hour! Update: Interview With A BOGpire (horrible..horrible joke..)
• ROBOT.MONKEYS.!!!
• Oh yea, I guess I should talk about trades… umm.. yea.. let’s see.. it’s 11:30am now.. and nothing’s happening… crap. I might as well offer my couch to the Clippers to see if I can acquire Maggette myself and start my own franchise. So anyway, nothing’s happening and I’ll be out til after the deadline this afternoon.. pssh NBA, so inconsiderate of MY life schedules..

To conclude, here’s Sheriff Dangle and the gang at a Sixers game… ehh, wun’t their best effort, but I still loves me my Reno 911

EDIT: Many never-ending thanks to Gilbertology for being all over this:

The Getty Images photographer Brent Stirton should have his salary increased just for this! Speaking of which, yo Getty! Hook up those piks w/o them watermarks son! How about it? (I’ll even pay you with my empty ink catridges!)

anyways, this wonderful saga continues… (and no, I will never ever evver be tired of this.. if you are.. apologies.. but c’mon! it’s still cool as ever! join my fun times!)

• ## The Unrelatedness is…

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CafePress old ish found herr

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