Archive for the ‘Kobe’ Category

A two hit combo for this slowth day going…

Blog Show keeps on truckin’

Team USA scrimmagin where Kobe gets NASTILY blocked by LeBron and wins the game…

— annnnd… everything in the blog world about that Donaghy fellow

Actually, before we go, said fellow had to get help from cops because of calls threatening him. Unconfirmed sources say that one of the calls asked for an I. P. Freeley.

Oh and shit, check out the house of the motherfucker

That’s the O.C. house right there! Take a closer look at the sign:


Well now, Kobe Bryant wants to kiss up and make nice with his mighty GM Mitch Kupchak for all that other crap from about a month back:

“That’s a shame,” Bryant said. “I went in just to tell [Kupchak], ‘You know what, man? I’m sorry that thing came out like that. You never want that to happen.’ I just felt like as a man, that was important to say that to him. I could have easily picked up the phone and called him, but that’s not something that I wanted to do. I wanted to go down and see him face-to-face and tell him that face-to-face.”

Yeah! Kobe doesn’t fuck with phones, he’s a MAN, shit yeah! Ah, I shouldn’t really be snarky about this—it’s a good thing that he’s willing to make nice after going all Shannen Doherty on the organization. Perhaps the calm side of him knows he’s never going to be really traded or perhaps the hissy fit was a one time thing, who knows.

Oh, but check this line out from the same article:

On that subject, Bryant spoke exuberantly about the 450 campers ages 8 to 18. Some groups at the camp have learned facets of both the Princeton offense and the triangle offense in the span of a few days.

The writer is talking about Kobe’s Camp4Kidz (or called something similar…) but woah! You got kids that know the facets of the Triangle offense?? Jesus, sign those dudes up and promptly replace Vlad, Brian Cook and about 5 other Lakers guys, pronto!

Bryant eases back on throttle [LA Times]

Lakers DO need JT in the front office! This is light years better than that other crap fest of a parody

Big thanks to JustBall forum (where those KobeVideo guys are unceremonously revealed like Chris Hansen’s To Catch A Predator)

… back to draft talk in just a sec (oh, trade!)

Time for wacky features during the non-NBA time of the year. Today I’d like to debut here on the Unrelatedness— Off Season Miscellaneousness. The OSM (pronounced Ozzz-MEN) looks at random non-linear, non-sequitor, non-relevant basketball stories around the world where I try to make funny. Here I goes: Quotes!

Greg Oden getting his WNBA-love on

I never had a thought about the WNBA before, except when Lisa Leslie dunked the ball, which is one of my favorite dunks of all time, but if they play like that i would love to go to the games all the time.

!!! Emphasis totally mine!!! Gregory! I know you’re young and all (psst! I’m young too!) and I know that Double-L’s dunk was historic… STILL! There are so many dunks over the course of human history, and you had to choose that one. But props to you for saying it like you feel tho

Kobe Bryant likes using the naughty wordz

“Ship his [rear end] out. We’re talking Jason Kidd,” said Bryant. “They didn’t want to do that. That’s why we’re in this [messed up] position.”

Tranlatorz: [rear end] = is what Andrew Bynum plays like; [messed up] = is what Lakers are, where Kobe had a hand in it, whether he likes it or not

Agent Zero is writing a book

I’m writing a book.

It ain’t going to be the T.O. “I Need My Ball” or whatever that book was called. It ain’t going to be the Phil Jackson book. Mine is going to be more like Chicken Soup for the Soul. Mine is going to be like that with more funny stuff. It’s going to be hilarious.

Stuff like, “If you’re a No. 1 or No. 2 pick, why do you need an agent?” Reality stuff like that. You might as well just give your money to Vegas because that’s all you’re doing with the agent, you’re just giving it to him. Because you’re the No. 1 or No. 2 pick, point blank, you don’t need an agent. It’s a slotted system now. It’s not like you’re Glenn Robinson coming out saying “Give me $100 million.” You can’t do that anymore.

So it’s going to be mostly funny stuff like that. Attacking people, attacking the system, attacking critics … stuff like that.

It’s going to be the funniest basketball player book, I can bet on that.

Because of course, celebrities don’t get enough attention and publicity as it—by god Forbes is serving man kind in ranking them all! From the flash-advertisement hell that is, how they got to The Celebrity 100:

Tinseltown’s triumphs are reflected in this year’s Celebrity 100, Forbes’ annual list of the world’s most powerful–and best-paid–celebrities. To generate the list, Forbes analyzes celebrity earnings, plus media metrics like Google hits, press mentions as compiled by Lexis/Nexis, TV/radio mentions from Factiva and the number of times an A-lister appears on the cover of 32 major consumer magazines.

Earnings estimates are for June 2006 to June 2007 and consist of dollars earned solely from entertainment-related income. Management, agent and attorney fees have not been deducted.

Okay, so to bring it back to the NBA relatedness, the notable players we already know about are in there: Kobe Bryant (ranked #23), Shaq (#25), Michael Jordan (#35–who is he?!), and LeBron (#48). SHOCKER! You can see all the other sports’ male athletes here and female athletes here, try to contain the excitement.

Let’s just take a looksee at who else is on the list… I’ve make a nice screengrab here so you don’t have to go to their site because everytime their ads reloads a puppy gets shot

Disregarding the fact that Grey’s Anatomy fell off big time this year, what gives Forbes? Grouping the entire cast as one? Favoratism yo!

Again with this “entire cast” thing. Heh, gotta sting for Bron to see he can’t beat the Parker/Longoria machine anywhere.

Random Linkage for the Weekend:
Blog Show No. 13 [Mr. Irrelevant]
Son of Sam Malone

And it’s a doodle… and it’s over here at Das Haus. Enjoy.

LeBron, allowing his
armpits to shine
Well, golly gee wonkers, would you look at that. As if by magic, Roi James has now sparked a much needed excitement back into the decaying corpse of what was the 2007 Playoffs. Surely, it wasn’t his overall offensive output, at least not the traditional gauge (25, 7, 11? pfft, my imagary dog can do that), but it was just the way he hovers above the obstacle.

To be frank, he’s playing the way I’d want him to play in that given situation (this might sound absurd, but the Vince Carters of the world have caused so many wounds) by doing all the possible moves I’d prefer over moves I do not prefer.

So what was it, exactly, that allowed LBJ to capitalize on winning, as well as getting back the love of fans all over again? There must be of equal hate elsewhere in the world right?

So, I honour it by investigating the Top 5 Universe Hating That’s Helping Lebron:

#5 THE HOOPS WORLD (or 78% at least) HATES THE SPURS

“Blue Steel”

The Down-Lo

It’s not a stretch right? I mean, besides those wickedly funny dudes over at Pounding the Rock… and I guess… some people at the airport, San Antonio true love isn’t really there. Even the Flopper gets a bad grade on the Haus.

Hate Meter (1 low, 10 high)

8.3 — could be higher, but Beno Udrih is the man!

How It Helps LeBron

Setting up for a Duncan vs. LeBROWN showdown…


The Down-Lo

A lot of the recent “big stories” from news outlets seem to focus on the smallest things pro athletes are doing, that has nothing whatsoever to do with the sport. I’m not defending them (both athlete and media) per se, but does the public really care about it past the initial gut reaction

Hate Meter (1 low, 10 high)

9.6 — I mean, I can only care about a $xx million guy’s club activities for so long

How It Helps LeBron

Well, good thing is he’s still in the Playoffs, so no distractions for him!


How do I know you’re gay?

The Down-Lo

Dude, how did the headline writer get away with this? And how can I have a beer with him or her?

Hate Meter (1 low, 10 high)

7.9 — C’mon Poland, puppet homophobia?

How It Helps LeBron

Not. At. All.


Kobe on the Buss of dooooooom

The Down-Lo

Kobe &
Kobe &

Hate Meter (1 low, 10 high)

10 000 — you can hear his craving to bite off the head of anyone sporting a Lakers Official credential

How It Helps LeBron

This will be like his past, present and future all mixed nicely into one dramatic bomb which he can study and make sure never to go through


With all due respek to the folks of Go Fug Yourself

Kobe, Kobe, Kobe, Kobe. Yes. We all know how you are. We know you very well. In fact, we know you a little too well.

We know that you like score — in more ways than one. We know that you want to be DA MAN. We know that you’re someone that basks in the limelight of having everyone be in awe of your talents.

We know that you probably like the movie Scarface (call it a hunch)… what we didn’t know was that you wanted to be go back to 1980s Miami to be an extra for the film with that getup of yours.

Hats are cool, I mean, everyone likes hats. But that thing that’s above your head… that’s no hat sir. It’s like dried orange peels “pretending” to be a hat/fedora/atrocity. Which I guess explains the mango shirt your wearing. Who the hell wears mango?! I take it you wanted to stick it to the Suns after you poured 45 on so you just had to ridicule their their pretty orange colors huh? “TAKE THAT orange! I’m going with a colorway that’s kinda orange, but off-colored. Bitches!” Don’t even get me started on the shoes…

Your daughter Natalia probably thinks you’re going to a mango factory now. Shame on you.



Yo, check dis out. Sebastian Pruiti of the fine blog Three In The Key conducted a roundtable talky about all the fine aspects surrounding the NBA. I was happy to offer my stream of consciousness thinkings along with Ryan McNeill of the minxy, and Brian over at the saucy Empty the Bench blog.

Before we mud wrestled each other, (YES guys, for the last time, I destroyed the video tape, promise!) we covered a bunch of topics from MVP picks to Best Agent Zero moments to figuring which flowers are prettier: lillies or irises (iri?). So check out the discussionz friends!

Oh, and I guess I should briefly explain the other part of the pic eh? For some reason, even though the big time USA Today blog (pretty awesome!) AND CelticsBlog linked to the Tank T-Shirt post, THIS silly post from way back when got just as many hits. One look at the “search engine” hits and the culprit was found: people love the cute Taryn Manning.

What’s the sudden interest in all things Taryn Manning? Maybe it’s that new show “Drive“—I have watched it a bit… it has potential, maybe if the writing is better and the characters are not so cartoony it could be something, for now though, it’s getting an average “eh”. Taryn Manning gets a “hot as hell” (though maybe cool down on the Nicole Kidman eyebrows…)

Three In The Key Roundtable Discussion [Three In The Key]
Taryn Manning – Stuff Magazine May 2007

kb2.jpgSo this NCAA thing is still on? Until how long?? Sheesh, just finish already, I wants me some NBA Playoffs.

Well, before we can get to any of that, let’s take a look at one historic body-slam which took place Thursday night. Namely Kobe Bryant destroying whatever dignity the MEM Grizz had left by making them part of a trivia question.

Back to back to back 50+ pointers. DoubleU-Tee-Eff dude.

!Haterade Warning Signs!

It’s an incredible stretch of games for sure, but even though this feat is going to become another one of those “NBA Highlights of the Season/History“, I’m honestly not too hyped up about it. Maybe I’m taking his points explosions for granted these day since he does this around this time of year (like how snow is thawing outside around here); maybe I feel this way because I believe it truly doesn’t matter when the season’s over and his team gets crapped out of the playoffs; or maybe knowing others have done these ginormous accolades, I just don’t feel the speciality of it (I know, this argument, as well as the other two are pretty retarded, but that’s why I had the HaterWarning signs!) — whatever it is, I applaud the insanity of it, but it’s one of those sitting in my chair, doing the little head-nod type of applaud.

Anyways, onto some Nano-Tacks:

–The Interwebs seem to be having a slow week, so I’ll just direct ya to something you probably already read if you’re a frequenter of this blog — Gilbert Arenas’ OPUS. Look no further than that post to see why he’s the blogworld’s BFF.


–Some odd hoops mag beef war……though I sense Dime felt dissed because Ryan Jones didn’t mention them by name (ohh nameless burn!)

Have a nice weekend you silly people you 😉 !