Archive for the ‘Michael Redd’ Category

Eric: Yo Mikey, what are we going to do about Ari? He
hasn’t answered our calls and we still need to give him
shit about not getting you into the All-Star game last weekend.

Michael Redd: Don’t worry about E, something tells me everything’s gonna work out, you’ll see. You just need to chill

Eric: C’mon man, we’ve been chilling for months! We play the Pistons tonight and we don’t have a plan.

Redd: Dude…shhhhh! Your negativitism is totally crampin
my style. Check—I’ma go and walk around town and you can fix things with Ari, sound good?

Eric: *sigh* Just promise me you’ll stay outta trouble..
last time the press had a field day when they saw you with Alyssa Milano.

Redd: Relax E, she’s old news!

[Scene change to the tune of the latest hip-hop record, whatever that is… INTERIOR: Ari’s office]

Ari: What do you want Eric? I’m a very busy man, every minute spent with you is a minute I could be spending with my wife, and not the Walt Disney version if you catch my drift.

Eric: Like you even remember who your wife is. The reason why I’m here is a that Mike is feeling a bit undersold with you reppin him.

Ari: Reddy think that, or are you thinking that?

Eric: Whatever, both. Point is, we want changes—didn’t you see Dwight Howard’s coming out party? Dude’s electrifying new folks, that’s what WE’re supposed be doing man

Ari: Look, let me put this is terms you can understand: Your pizza can be the best pizza in all of Milwaukee, but your friggin restaurant stinks like a hobo and a boar just had sex… I can’t do anything about that!

Eric: So you’re not helping us

Ari: No, I’m saying things take time. In the meanwhile, get me Lloyd, he was supposed to get my lunch a half hour ago. LLOYD!

Llyod: What it is Ari? Don’t scream, you’re still recovering from your cold. Oh hello Eric!

Ari: If I wanted ancient Japanese medical advice, I’ll ask ya then k?

Llyod: For the last time, I’m Chinese.

[Scene change to another rap song.. EXTERIOR: Santa Monica Boul.]

Turtle: Eeyo Mike! Come down here yo, you won’t believe this: there’s mad hot chickz waiting in line to see an autograph signing for Carlos Delfino! What a spazz!

Redd: Delfino? What? They can’t be serious, when they’ve got ME? Yo where you at Turtle, I’m coming right down.

Turtle: Santa Monica, hurry bro, me and Drama will hold things down for you.

Redd: I’m so gonna embarass him here AND drop 50 on him tonight! Holla (click)

Drama: Why can’t the girls be crowded over me for once? I can ball. In fact, I DID ball in school.

Turtle: Ha, yeah, in pre-school. You can’t even score over a 10 year old no more.

Drama: Hey, kids today, jacked up with all sorts of drugs, you never know how they’re cheating. Me, I’ll all natural baby.

Turtle: Naturally handicapped! Ha

[Slo-mo shot of Redd walking to the scene—all the autograph seekers now notice him coming, and hysteria ensues as they run towards him leaving a dejected Carlos Defino]

Redd: What up ladies! Part-ay at the mansion! Wooo! (hi-fives Turtle, Drama and Donald Duck)

(as the giant crowd exits, leaving Defino..)

Carlos Delfino: MICHAaaaaaaaaeeel!!! You Bastard!! I’ll get mine, don’t worry, I’LL.GET.MINE!


Previously on Previously Series:
The Office – guest starring Yao
24 – guest starring Gilbert Arenas
Jeopardy – (no NBA players were present, but Ken Jennings is high most of the time)