Archive for the ‘Boston Celtics’ Category

[Phone rings]

Danny Ainge: yeeeeello? Double Dose of Danny Ainge at your service!
Kevin McHale: It’s… it’s me… K-Dawg
Danny Ainge: K-man! How’s it hanging? Doing good? Did you see the Simpsons movie??
McHale: Yeah! It was pretty awesome! Didn’t you love the part where— hold up… there was something I called you for…
Ainge: You need to borrow money?
McHale: No.. that wasn’t it…
Ainge: …need to borrow cocaine?
McHale: hmm, might’ve been it, but I don’t think so..
Ainge: oh, maybe you wanted to borrow my hooker?
McHale: hahaha no you silly, she’s already at my place, don’t you remember?
Ainge: hah, oh my, yes.
McHale: Well, whatever it is, I’m sure it’s not important. Glad we talked bra
Ainge: Anytime chum!

[meanwhile…]

The biggest question first: But What About Mark Madsen? Who is he going to turn to when he’s out there screaming by his lonesome?? Oh sigh.

And yeah, pretty big news… only like… 4 years in the making. Kevin Garnett is going to be a Celtic.

The trade is for Al Jefferson, Ryan Gomes, Gerald Green, Sebastian Telfair, Theo Ratliff, a giant sandwich, three juice boxes, nine boxes of Juicy Fruit a No. 1 pick.

On the one hand, KG not in the dreary old Minnesota uniform is a welcoming sight. It’s also good to see him able to take a leap of faith in a new direction. However, on the other hand… meh… it’s the Celtics. They just traded away their entire bench (and possibly 3/4 Red Auerbach’s cigar collection) for millions and millions of dolla $igns.

Oh I’ll be watching, hopefully — Ray Allen, Paul Pierce and Garnett is bananas, but let’s be real for 2 seconds: they are not going to win a championship. Sorry Bostonians, not like this.

Two things:

1) It’s actually nice outside around my parts, so I’ve decided to do something very strange: try to enjoy it. That’s why maybe the posting maybe a bit thin. Maybe.

2) The real reason why the posting is thin: g’damn the Spurs like to lay the pounding on the Jazz. It’s just not fair. At least with the Suns series, PHX were very tight with them until the end when the Championship mentality took over and calmed things down to win. However, with this series, the Jazz simply cannot answer to close the gap. Which makes for very uninteresting posts about it. Booo!

Cavaliers/Pistons? You ask? LeBron’s smart. A little too smart. Very yoda-ish…… in all his postgame interviews, whether he won or not, he’s very calm and composed. WHY ARE YOU SO CALM AND COMPOSED BRON?!?! Actually, I think it’s a good thing, years past, guys like Kobe or T-Mac get rattled after a tough loss, but with LBJ, he’s thinking “shit yo, I can bend the spoon if I wanted to!” Scary. Hopefully he wins one in Detroit just to shut Magic Johnson up just a tad.

Re: NBA Draft— Danny Ainge’s self e-Mail:

“SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT”

And seeing the Celtics not get their tanking ways rewarded. Big IN YOUR FACE! I have no idea if Yi Jianlian is going to the Celtics, but I just think that it’s a funny sight to have a 19 (22, whatever) year old Chinese kid be the next franchise stepping stone of the Boston Celtics. That imagery is just funny to me. Ha ha funny. Cute girlfriend he has tho.

Tonight’s there’s no games. GOOD. I need all the attention I get for the LOST TWO HOUR SEASON FINALE. Yo, it’s been a sucky season 3 of Lost I admit, but I’m still a regular watcher even though the writers fucking drag everything when they don’t need to.

Things I want to happen tonight on the finale: Jack to die. Kate to die. Charlie to save the day, but die. The monster is revealed and is David Stern. And Locke survives the gun wound to kill Ben. So yeah, lots of death, PLEASE. The finale of Heroes was horrible. I meant that lovingly, since I do like that show, but really? All the buildup, and no final battle? Underwhelmed yo.

bostonceltics.jpg
You know, I’m not too sure about this ‘tanking’ business in the NBA. 1) Because I never worked in the NBA and 2) ‘tanking’ as an expression, seems… so… I dunno, 1992. Nevertheless, this enigma apparently exists in the NBA—the art of losing.

(As a side note, if the goal of a franchise is to lose on purpose, and if they succeed in doing so, then they must be winners right? Or do we need to smoke up some more?)

This year, like any other year, the usual suspects fine tuned their heavy duty tank engines down the stretch. Exhibit C-9, Subsection 12: the Boston Celtics. Ziller Time noted on la Hause that the Cees were actively engaging in the Nation of Tank, praise be with upon Lottery Balls. And in case you want some more investigativism, Wages of Win via TrueHoop, used a calculator or something gave us numbers to back all that shit up. So congrats Doc Rivers, you earned this one—go and grab yourself that cherry soda you rightly deserve champ.

Sooooo, what do I really have to contribute to all this? TEE-SHIRTS! YAAAAAAY!

boston-celtics-tank.jpg

Check ’em out friends, you got your Boston colorway, Knicks orange & blue, sorta Portland-y reds/black and Memphis baby blues (I pretty much gave up figuring what colors they actually wear… what the hell is that?)
tankshirts.jpg

They hot cuz they fly!

So go and support your local tank artists ya heard, it might appear on the Vatican-Approved BLOG SHOW and you’ll be all like, “woah, shirt, tv, me, wear, same? cool!” [Gear of Clothing]

********

Housekeeping: my internet service providers are like the German National Curling Team: LOSERS! They think I’m Morpheus so they shut off my intertube access due to “spam”… haters. I’m currently stealing wi-fi from my neighbors (hi!!) but it’s slower than Antoine Walker. Hopefully I get things straightened out by the end of the week.

No really, it is–I speaketh the truth. I don’t know what it is about the 06-07 season, but there just seems to be a maelstrom of incredibly weird/odd/shocking/funny in a sad way/sad news as we near the final stages of the regular season, none of which.. has to do with the game itself:

  • nouveau-ball fiasco
  • old-ball fiasco
  • MSG 30 second fisticuffs fiasco
  • Vegas fiasco
  • Fiasco fiasco (that’s so going to be the name of my imaginary metal rap band)
  • Amaechi selling books and the media-caused fiasco
  • Tim Hardaway “[word greater] than fiasco”
  • and now, Cedric Maxwell and his love for breakfast

Maxwell has since apologized here, but from the 300+ comments over at the FanHouse, I’d say Cornbread now has a hard time finding someone to make his…er… cornbread.

Anyways, back to the little point I was trying to go for before making another bad joke: what is up with this season’s off court deal? I mean, for a blogger, YES! But looking at it from a distance, I’d say it’s been hella weird. Maybe having so much media/blog scrutinizing everything, almost nothing falls into the cracks anymore? I’m not sure, just still, weird—I’m expecting any moment that a random player would come out and say they perfected time travel.

Onto the ‘Tacks:

ps: There’s a LOSTmobile now on the island?! WTF?

  • CK on GA—that sound you hear is my mind being blown
  • Money Players looks at retired sports player and their pensions. um.. Yay!
  • !SPOILERz! Heroes is pretty much a fun show with horrible dialogue, and here’s a promo with a reveal of the big boss—and it’s KENNY ROGERS!!
  • An-drea.Bar-gnan-i, here’s what’s insane about his shooting: it’s all upper body. And it’s not that he doesn’t jump, but the bottom half of his body may be off balanced and his shooting form is still good

And finally… a dunk contest gone horribly horribly wrong, but oh so funny (I’m going to hell regardless, but I laughed my arse off):

Note: good way to start a convo with a hot chick though:

“hey, sup? Um.. so uh.. wanna help me out in the dunk contest? Cool!”

[crashes into her]

“Ohhh no!.. I can’t believe I ‘fell’ into you…ha ha ha.”

Repeat steps 1 and 2 = instead love and/or restraining order + medical expenses (whichever..)

A solemn goodbye to Dennis Johnson. CelticsBlog is definitely a place to turn to for perspective and while you’re there, give the guys a good ‘ol blog-hug.

Steven Kerr and J-Mac also wrote about DJ’s lasting effect on the word ‘tough’. RIP DJ.

Speaking of Kerr, dude does it all. After doing color commentary for TNT he has the intestinal fortitude to write about how the Heat can still “theoritically” make it work without Wade. Dude, Steve, bro, buddy, I know you’re throwing them a bone and being a respected analyst of the NBA you’ve got to do that.. but c’mon man, say it with me “the-HEAT-are-done” ahh.. feels good huh.

But look, I’m only burying the team and seriously not giving them a chance now so that when they prove me wrong, it’ll be so much easier to root for them. Think about it: they’re in no position to win—8th in the East with Joisey breathing down just one and a half games behind, Wade out 6 weeks to cry some more, and Riles JUST came back… and oh yeah, only 28 games to be played. “Underdog” is right my friends! If they somehow make it and have Wade back strong, hell yeah I’ll be rooting for them, and I’m not a hypocrite if I stated my intentions (true story).

So follow my equation \frac{x+Heat}{y-Wade}= \int y \mathrm{\Psi}x \times \frac{\Theta}{\Phi} \textit{ where y is Playoffs}

As you can see, my logic is failproof.

Okay, so the big trades were Fred Jonessss to Portland, Juan Dixon to T-Dot, Anthony Johnson to Hawks and ALAN F’ning HENDERSON to the Jazz. Awesome. Though I’ll say this about Dixon’s move, he’s another solid “scoring” PG for the Raps but since Calderon and Ford are pretty good combo as it is, I have a feeling Dix might have a hard time seeing PT (unless he becomes straight up lock-down defender…)

Matt Carroll. Why did I bring up this obscure cat from the Bobcats? I have no freaking clue. Well, maybe because the last point in Rick Bonnell’s Charlotte Observer blog (if only I can grow a moustache…) he mentioned that Carroll is an all around balla, not just a shooter.

— Most people see Matt Carroll as just a shooter. He’s not. He’s an all-around basketball player who can shoot. During Morrison’s scoring run, Carroll grabbed two huge rebounds against taller players. He’s tough, smart and productive.

Carroll’s line is 43% from the field on 3 of 8, goes to the FT stripe tearing up 92% style, getting 11pts per all in 24 minutes this year. And you know he’s a thug because he’s all arm-band and shit! Matt Carroll, Obama’s running mate.

And lastly, I noticed Yahoo¿ now has faux-blogs from Adrian Wojnarowski here. Good for The ‘Hoo! but the comments section is uugh.. so very message-board-y.. *shudder*

Y’know, between the NBA Previews from bloggers, SLAM’s Top 50 AND Hoopsaddict.com’s Podcast-A-Day counting down to the start of the 06-07 season, I must say: BLOGGERs eff-ing rule! (with exception of SLAM of course..they’re paid) So much hard work and content, who needs mainstream media?

(Shh, mainstream media, I’m just kidding baby, I won’t ever talk bad about you again, I swear.. aww…come here..)

But I’m no freeloader, all this new stuff coming in has inspired me to dedicate a drawing for each of the team previews that’s coming out this month. (Hopefully I can do one a day, scheduling and/or magical fairies permitting)

Today’s dedication is for the 2 previews that are up, Celtics and the Nets:

redjayz.jpg

Uhh.. I just hope the hardcore Celtic fans won’t stone me for doing a rough imaging of their golden god Red Auerbach.. the other guy is Hova.. but he kinda looks like Biggie there huh? Oh poo… maybe I should reconsider doing this homage thing afterall :P?

This is not nearly has transcendent as those 80s funky team videos that has been surfacing as of late, but this Trailblazers commercial is kind of amsusing. It’s probably a couple years old as it features my favourite passing man:

More lazy Sunday vids: KG goes one on one with a whole community

and this one

should be included in those NBATV slow-motion sequences with an inspirational message from a narrator.

docock.jpgIn more up to date news: October, or as we UnrelatednessCults like to call it: The Month That Ends With The Start of The NBA Season (I wonder why that isn’t being embedded in the mainstream yet… gotta check with my publicist) allows me to update my blogroll (and tags) now because team previews are coming out once a day over at NBA Previews; with a different featured blog(s) doing a write up of their team.

This is going to be great with new content each day as well as being able to check out new sites. Today’s first preview comes way of: CelticsBlog.com, about, you guessed it, the Boston Celtics. It’ll also be updated at the NBA Previews site, so check it out.

My contribution is to read it all, disgest the information and replicate it as my own knowledge come time when I have to talk to real life fans (read: plagarism) thus making everyone think I’m a mad genius mwhahaha (kiddin’) 😀