Archive for the ‘New Jersey Nets’ Category

You need to know who’s going where for how much $$? Well, go look up it guy, I’m not your mom. Oh wait, um, sorry! Please come back! I’m cranky because I didn’t have my morning cookie. Alright, alllright… I’m better now. So, here is the exhaustive comprehensive list of all thing Free Agency signage:

Chauncey Billups: $60 Mil, 5 years
First thing to purchase: 500 iPhones, one for each of his contacts

Rashard Lewis: $4274580223147 Mil, ∞ years
First thing to purchase: Canada

Gerald Wallace: $57 Mil, 6 years
First thing to purchase: Bethlehem Shoals‘ apartment

Jason Kapono: $24 Mil, 4 years
First thing to purchase: more hair gel

Cookie Monster: 10 000 Cookies Carrots, 10 years
First thing to purchase: the hell? you can’t buy shit with carrots, what a dumbass… carrots…

Michael Moore: $40 Mil, 2 years
First thing to purchase: a life size doll of Dr. Sanjay Gupta and burn it

Vince Carter: $61 Mil, 4 years
First thing to purchase: a new cooter

Man, I thought Golden State would never lose at home — that’s the contract they signed wasn’t it? Damn, I don’t want to say the Warriors are done…… but…… the Warriors are done. Sorry my dear dear Bay Area pals (you know who you are) but the Jazz aren’t Dallas Choke-vericks.

They’ve got Acne Boozer; Turtle D-Williams, Mr. Roboto #47 and Okur. The only other place you’d find that eclectic mix of culture and race in one place is during a drug deal (my frame of reference only extend to stereotypical blockbuster action films and not real life). Last night, if anything was another typical Jazz game. They kept doing their thing and got their win.

Warriors, of course, tried to keep doing their thing, just this time the shots weren’t falling. If it did, I’m sure the series would’ve been 2-2 now. But alas, such is why a dream cannot be continued.

Andrei Kirilenko, please summarize your thoughts:

“People go all crazy,” Kirilenko said. “You dunk on me, OK, next time I’m still going to try to block your shot again. “It’s a different mentality. Guys try to put their ass in your face or say something. I’m not intimidated by that stuff.”

Thank you wordsmith.
VC15, trapped in the closet (R.Kelly don’t rape sue me)

In other Playoffs news

Vincent Lamar Carter apparently had an ouchie with his vagina pinky finger in Game 3 against the Cavaliers:

Vince Carter‘s left pinkie knuckle, bruised in Game 3, was wrapped yesterday. But he said “It’s not broken, so I can play.”

Yeah? You can? GREAT. VC’s little boo-boo notwithstanding, I think the LeBrons will take this game tonight. It’s cool and all for Jason Kidd to remember he can shoot from the outside again, ditto for Jefferson getting his, but the sooner this series end, the better it will be on our souls.

In other OTHER Playoff news, the Phoenix Suns try not to fall into oblivion. What I’m saying is that if they lose tonight, and go down 3-1, it would make my NBA fandom very sad. Suns making it to the Finals this year means so much for me. It would mean that the NBA has room for all types of champion styles; it would mean that for once, I team I rooted for from beginning to end of season could go all the way; it would mean awesomeness. For all the great things D’Antoni, Nash, Marion, Stoudamire has given us, I feel it’s for nothing and another year gone of Nash’s greatness. Gawd, fucking Spurs.

Loose Change

He’s fat. And a big baby.
— Antoine Walker believes he can have his cake and eat 600 of them too!

Heat forward Antoine Walker — due $8.5 and $9.3 million the next two years — said he ”definitely” plans to speak to Pat Riley about his desire to be a starter, if he’s not traded. ”I play better as a starter. For me to be an effective player in this system, there’s a certain way you have to play. We’ve got to balance out this attack.”

Riiiight. There are 5 things wrong in that last statement. But I be classy and not joke of them. Nope. I won’t connect the obvious joke of the words “balance”; “Walker”; “can’t”; and “fat”. No sir, not here!

— And finally, a request to my Spanish readers, help me out: what’s going on in this page, and specifically, shed light on Mr. Boniface N’Dong PLEASE. That is front runner for best name in the history of the world.

Mike Brown

So tonight’s Game 2 for the Nets and Cavaliers should be a good one really really horrifically boring game. How can we have LeBron, JKidd, Vince Carter and yet this series is as exciting as watching the grass grow (on astro turf!). Anyways, the one name that’s getting decent attention is Sasha Pavlovic. He’s the guy that made the clean block on the Jason Kidd attempted layup. (Which begs the question, Kidd can still do a layup?)

MB (Mike Brown, we’re boys like that) is truly a believer of The Pavlovian Meister (trademark nickname!) because dude sought him out for the defensive assignment. Yo he freaking brought the sought on:

“Anytime a player looks me in the eye and says, ‘I want that assignment,’ oooh, I’ve got to believe in my player,” Brown said. “He’s going to concentrate that much harder to do the right thing.

“I looked him in the eye when he stayed on him, and the look I got, I felt confident in him. You want it? Go ahead. Pick that man up.”

And after you pick him up, go pick up the trash, the kids and do the laundry as well! So yeah Sasha is the one to watch out for as a the X factor.

OH, by the by, it just can’t be me right? Every time I see Pavlovic, I think, damn doesn’t he play for the Nuggets? And how come there’s another one of him on the Nets? The very opponent they are battling?? Me so confused!

Okay, I guess I’m just grouping a bunch of Euro ballas with shaved heads together to make my case (I could’ve easily put Darko in there too… but let’s not get carried away here…)

Make sure you listen to the very end

And it turns out Bruce Willis was a ghost. True story!

Y’know, between the NBA Previews from bloggers, SLAM’s Top 50 AND’s Podcast-A-Day counting down to the start of the 06-07 season, I must say: BLOGGERs eff-ing rule! (with exception of SLAM of course..they’re paid) So much hard work and content, who needs mainstream media?

(Shh, mainstream media, I’m just kidding baby, I won’t ever talk bad about you again, I swear.. aww…come here..)

But I’m no freeloader, all this new stuff coming in has inspired me to dedicate a drawing for each of the team previews that’s coming out this month. (Hopefully I can do one a day, scheduling and/or magical fairies permitting)

Today’s dedication is for the 2 previews that are up, Celtics and the Nets:


Uhh.. I just hope the hardcore Celtic fans won’t stone me for doing a rough imaging of their golden god Red Auerbach.. the other guy is Hova.. but he kinda looks like Biggie there huh? Oh poo… maybe I should reconsider doing this homage thing afterall :P?