Archive for the ‘San Antonio Spurs’ Category
Glad we’re done with that abortion of a Finals… Anyhow, the Spurs are incredible, no doubt about it—but let’s just take a moment and celebrate the goodness that is Fabricio Oberto doing a sort of chicken dance next to Freeway. Good times.
Unless Moses, Zeus, Vishnu AND Abraham Lincoln all work their mystical wonder witchcraft and save the Cavaliers, there’s no way we’re having a 5th game in these NBA Finals. Such is a sad sad life. However, fear not, there just might be an inkling of chance (re: nah, just playin’) so here are the 5 Signs You Should Watch Out For Tonight, Where We Might Think There Will Be A Game 5 But Not Really, Because That Would Be Cool, And The NBA Finals Aren’t Cool, Oh Am I Still Talking, Fuck, My Bad, Here You Go:
#5: LeBron Dropping 40+ pts
Surely, I believe the correlation so far has been thus: LeBron can’t score in the field to get into a rhythm. So X plus 0.3 grams of suck = the Cavs lose. If we see a barrage of LePoints, we need to smile just a bit and think the game might be won for the City of Cleveland… only to lose yet again in Cleveland for Game 5
#4: Tim Duncan Turns Into A Werewolf And Runs Away
Timmy D has been everything he’s always been: A freakin’ Hall of Famer every minute he’s played in his life and we can’t do anything about it. What we can hope to happen is that he just leaves Game 4 out of nowhere. I don’t even care if tonight isn’t a full moon, someone do some mad science shit: turn him into a werewolf damnit—now, if someone WolfDuncan can still ball, well, we’re fucked.
#3: Drew Gooden’s Hair Patch Emerges As The Cavs Much Needed Next Go-To Man (Thing)
Obviously what’s hurting more than the Spurs choking defense is the fact that the Cavaliers are scared to make a basket. No joke, everytime they think they should score, they have instant night tremors, and they’re not even sleeping! So expect DrewPatch to step up and dunk on Fabricio tonight.
#2: Someone in the crowd takes out Eva Longoria
I’m not a violent person, per se. I’m not sexist… but sorry, having Eva/ABC infiltrate my living room everytime the Spurs are up, I turn into Jack Bauer and John McClane’s lovechild—somebody gonna get a hurt. I propose someone from the UFC, I dunno, I hear that’s thing’s the cocaine of 2007, everyone’s into it. People will be shocked that a guy knocked out Eva Longoria, but if it’s Chuck Liddell, awwww
and the #1 sign there will be a Game 5: Cavs to Win Game 4
Yeah, call me crazy, but I think if they win Game 4, they just might be able to go to Game 5. I’m crazy like that, calling out wild theories and such, people should lock me up for this type of heresy. But mark my words, if they don’t win tonight, I’ll kick every lil’ puppy I see!
…again… I dunno why I’m so violent today, I think it’s the ‘roids I had for breakfast.
Of all the series, why did this one have to be so predicable? Give us some hope, give us more than four games, c’mon, pretty please? Well, guess begging probably won’t work a darn for this Finals. It’s gonna be over on Thursday, LeSigh.
While last night’s Game 3 was much closer and saw the Cavs in an easier state of mind, defensively, with the help of the crowd, their offense just couldn’t handle the Spurs. Nothing easy… nor should it be really. That’s just the reality and level that is the Finals, this isn’t child’s play, you gotta be one hundred percent 100% of the time. Lebron and Co’ never had a real chance in this one—only imagined ones.
So perhaps, in lieu of Game 4, they should just all go out and chill somewhere… relaxing…
Is there any way to stop this menace? I don’t believe there is a way. Not unless we find a way to get him on tilt… like tell him Eva Longoria is only marrying him to get closer to Nicolas Sarkozy. BURN!
But back back to reality.
Toné was too fast and too nimble being able to reach anywhere he wants anytime he wants. He’s a point guard that can beat anyone that guards him off the dribble. There’s no stopping the Frenchy dude.
So it’s not indicative of the horrible defense that is the Cavaliers, no ma’am, but just how lethal the Spurs are. How do you contain all their X and Y and Z variables? Tim Duncan is the constant, you can’t stop him either way; Tony Parker gets him like that; Manu Ginobili can easily erupt for 30 (and 10 of those made by his bald spot); then you get Fabricio and Elson forming into one solid player like Voltron; you got Brent Barry; Bruce Bowen and Mike Finley spreading it wiiiiiiide open with their range; and let’s not forget the MAN that is Beno Ulrich. BEN-O!
As for the Cavs—good little run they made late in the game. Some costly turnovers stopped their momentum short as well as that monster that is Parker and they just ran outta time. Speaking of time. What’s the decision of LeBron? Should Mike Brown have keep him in the game when he got fouled up early? Since they always have a chance with LeBron in the game why not keep in him? The worst that could happen is you lose… which you have… while not playing him.
Game Two is Twosday and I have a feeling the Spurs will win that one. Just because Mike Browny is getting hustled all over the place right now and there’s no one to contain the Spurs at all their positions.
Damn, this sucks for me, now I got to go watch a movie or something.
Timmy D. Oh you are so good. Damn you. It there any more doubt about this man’s defense?
So I watched this game last night at a dive bar with a projector screen. Sounds fun in theory. But not if your friends decide to SIT RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE SCREEN. Geniuses I tells ya.
Anyway, after we sorted out Crisis At The Screen 2007 we got drunk immediately settled and watch the happenings of two grindin’ teams.
Though it was a low-scoring affair, the game was pretty smooth — not unnecessary 15 stopages in a span of 5 minutes, it flowed yo.
The Spurs are straight up swarming Lebron every single time so much that I think Gregg Popovich has his players’ wives hostage in a dark undisclosed basement. Bron isn’t forcing the issue, passing to any open teammates every time — sucks they can’t score more.
Let’s be honest tho, James can’t just ram his way to the foul line every time he gets it… he might get 40pts, but his team will be cold and they’ll lose. What he’s doing here is trying to beat the Spurs by playing an overall game that can kill them with smarts.
Matchups wise: Tony Parker is torching everyone in his sights, no one can keep up with that guy. Tim is Tim, but I like what the Cavs are doing, showing double, triple teams whenever he tries to make his move (sometimes they miss the assignment or too late, and BAM! he scored). I can’t believe Drew Gooden is the Cavs game 1 highlight…
For Game 2 LBJ just has to be faster with his decisions… Game 1 he seemed to be waiting and waiting, but the Spurs want him to wait because their defense traps him to all the right places. I thought the Cavs could’ve pulled the first game upset—they were close (at halftime). I have a good feeling for the 2nd game, they’ll be a bit more sharp with their decisions on offense and hopefully a breakout dunk from the King can move things along.
Consider this The Unrelatedess’ Finals preview. The Cavs version shall dropeth tomorrah because well, the NBA hates us and want us to wait as long as possible so I’m just spreading the knowledge evenly, like peanut better.
Case File: #534-C5 Subsection 110
TEAM: San Antonio Spurs
BACKGROUND: Won the NBA Finals’ trophy in odd numbered years (1999, 2003, 2005)
SUSPECT CURRENT TARGET: NBA Champions again
WANTED HATED LIST: Interpol and MI-6 wants them taken down; FBI is monitoring Bowen’s activities; Chinese Intelligence want to kidnap Duncan
— unknown origins
— could very well be an actual robot, from the future
— doesn’t need hands to solve the Rubik’s Cube
— once inflitrated CIA headquarters, but no one picked up on it. He’s a ninja
— weapon of choice: the WIDE-EYED stare of death, killed 306 men, and counting
— He’s French, oooh la la
— probably the most unassuming athlete-rapper there is
— could be cuz he’s French
— could be because his rap… kinda blows
— weapon of choice: showing off Eva Longoria to distract us
— mastermind of everything, going as far as implanting a small mind chip in Francisco Elson’s head
— the pic right here shows Pop sending the message to Elson through his nano remote on his finger
— his post game comments are hidden codes for ex-KGB soldiers to learn how to run a proper low-post pick
— can disarm a bomb with a hamster; weapon of choice: his bare hand
So, throwing this baby up as the Nets are stinkin’ up the joint… I can’t believe LeBron’s going to the Conference Finals in the dullest way imaginable. The Cavs lead by 15 right now at halftime… yeah right Bron gives this up… Alright, please, leave any comments, voodoo chants or game insights for the upcoming Game 6 in a few hours (or you can talk about the the rest of the Cavs/Nets game…BWAHAaahahha.. riiiight..)
— So LeBron is actually very good… when he fuckin gives half a crap. Great job guys, would ya do us a favor and give the world something to care about in the Conference Finals against the Pistons? Thanks! Hugs & Kisses xoxox
— FREE JEFFREY VAN GUNDY! Seriously tho… must be awk-ward this morning with the ESPN guys prepping up right…?
MIKE BREEN: (reading the news that Jeff’s fired) Oh no… oh.. no… ohno ohno ononononononono!
JVG: What is it Breeny?
MB: uhhh… how can I say this… um… Hrm… Okay… when one parent doesn’t love the other…
JVG: The fuck are you talking about Mike?
MB: … I love you
MB: I mean I mean I mean… you got canned man
JVG: oh.. yheah, seen that shit coming, no biggie — you don’t think I knew that when I agreed to come on with you dumbbells?
5-4: STAT picks up his first foul already…. this is gonna be tough
8:45: okay I’m switching back to “time” format rather than score, because there’s no way knowing who’s who… anyways… right now I can’t tell which voice is Jeff’s and which one’s Jon Barry’s. 7-7
5:51: Nice to see both teams are “on”. Don’t want no dud game yo. I wonder when they’ll talk about Jeff’s fired ass? Cooooome oooon, talk about it already!
3:37: Barbosa gets a good strong layup/banker, a steal and also going up strong.. that’ll dust off any Game 5 Brazilian funk, also known as Sao Paolo SuckFest. Meanwhile Stoudamire is looking nice on offence and active on D
— I feel JVG is commentary-mic hogging, bastard! But he’s good, breaking down plays, 21-19 for PHX
— YAY, they get to talk about *feelings*! About Van Gundy’s pink-slip. Damn, Mike Breen is impressive… big chaos plays going on and Breen is STILL able to question Jeff and call the play by play!
— End of first and we’re all tied up at 23… the pace obviously isn’t PHX’s but Spurs won’t let that happen anyway. Clickey to read on..