Archive for the ‘Thursday Thumbtacks’ Category

Things to read as you try and keep up with Jack and Meg in the wild land that is Halifax…

Photorealism Will Set You Free

Newest NBA Carnival is 非常に優秀, well done With Malice!

Blog Show has a little change up this week… ha ha ha

— No one cares other than Canadians (and maybe a couple Brits), but Conrad Black is goneth yo (now that’s how a “media baron” should look— corrupt and full of power-lust!)

— Eesh… Church giving back guilt money… just icky

— Maybe they can combine this new show with Shaq’s show? Scare the living fat outta them!

— Well, looks like FanHouse has one spot that’s vying to compete, in terms of sheer bloggers at least

Obama is a pimp, well, maybe some context will help (songs/lyrics aren’t that great, buuuut… hey ladies… I’m running for uh… um… librarian, holla at your boi!)

— and last but not least, Sam Rubenstein wants you to know that he’s Watching you … omg lookbehindyou!!!

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I’m so fickle with this linking feature name that I should really just call this: URLs, WHAT! and be done with the schizophrenia. Anyways, after a weekend of doing something I can’t totally remember, some links for your amusement (as well as mine, since I effin’ found them!):

— I helped out with a post about something he he he that happened between FanHouse and SI.com the other day … let’s just say that now, it should be obvious that it’s a bit beyond blogging etiquette and more like “duh, rules!” | FanHouse

— over at Ballhype, where I’m also helping out (call 1-800-TheHype-Random-Help, it’s only $10 million a minute!) we’re voting for best film appearances by athletes yo. Get your thespians on | Ballhype

— the Rockets will be a force next yearsigh, how many times have we said that now, the last 4 years? | Clutch 3

— man, over the weekend while playing pickup, this guy totally killed Kevin Garnett by saying the Wolfs are so horrible because of him and him alone. Surely, I said, this guy called Kevin McHale has some hand in a terrible team right? No way, KG is a loser, not a winner, replies pickup guy. Then I spent the next 10 mins crying and questioning my faith in the Ticket… ALL THAT TO SAY, he could be still traded, and some possibilities here | Wolves Watch

— Yo that dunk on Yi was so Gay! um… a little offensive..? Okay, I’m sorry… | FanIQ

No. 1 and 2 picks in what? Sucktown? (High-fives my dork-self!) | SoSM

Kwame Brown: A Walking Punchline | You Been Blinded

— WTF, they’re literally remaking all my childhood tv shows into movies?? | BestWeekEver.tv

— Holy crap, OCTO-SQUID! First thought: wonder if it tastes awesome fried? What? | Laughing Squid

Huzzah for LeBron Flight School, because enrollment is now available. THAT’s what we’re talking about. Hopefully he can keep at this tempo because Detroit’s backcourt is killing themselves right now. I’m not sure based on Game 3, that we can say the Cavs can win this, because Detroit still hasn’t played a good game yet.

Tonight the Mormons come out again and fight for their Playoff lives. I say Utah wins, only because the “Energy Solutions” arena is radioactive and gives the Jazz the unfair advantage.

Here are the thumbtacks yo:

  • Ballhype is now Facebook widgetized son! I personally don’t have a Facebook… because well, those type of pages require pictures right. And I photograph as well as Dennis Franz’ asscheeks (wait — was that compliment… hrmm)
  • Kobe Bryant, the man has a way with words. Oh, and yeah, he has a way with fucking everyone up with said words.
  • Zero, Agent. Talk. Rehab? Slow. Gaming, high. Hibachi return later
  • Just want link to Fear the Beard, very very ha ha stuff those Beardies.

Woah. Thumbtacks. Been a long time dude. Haven’t see you in a while. What? Don’t call me anymore?

Jerk.

Oh where was I, ah yes. This feature I used to do (and even then, it was sparse) where I’d do a link dump of sorts of all the vunderful internet things I could find. Why don’t I do it as often anymo? Well… for the 1 of you that probably enjoyed this, it’s because of the fun times I’m having over at the Haus as well as Ballhype (helping out and doing behind the scenes stuff, level 3 clearance ish!) so yeeaah, I’ve been neglecting the rest of the internet world, forsaking it in the name of sports blogs. Ah well.

Since the Bulls don’t have any answer to, well, anything the Pistons shove at them, not much to say about that series. When you had the game in your claws and let the lead slip— it’s not your time Baby Bulls. MJD with more/better words and better analygistz. Geez, I bet even the Detroit PA announcer John Mason can score against Chicago. Soo….

Here are some fun findings to keep ya busy for a good 6 months:

  • Homer Simpson on the 360. Fact: my last console was the Dreamcast (you might find it under the category: Things That Died As Soon As It Was Born)

There ya go, as always you can also find me doing stuff at the NBA FanHouse and my Ballhype blog (where I pretend to know about other sports as I blog about it). You can keep track with the RSS feeds I’ve put on the right sidebar.

AMAZING game tonight. I’m picking Warriors by 8327 points and Oakland to turn into Raccoon City after all’s said and done. Go Nellie Beer, er, Ball!

… and stop smoking that damn bong! While you slowly arise from the stupor, please, watch the following 9 minutes of bliss:

That’s to get all your casual NBA buddies to get the fuck up and watch some bball and get them away from that NHL nonsense (a puck? and a stick?! what is this, Soviet Russia??)

Finally, playoffs are (is?) here. Round 1 Predictions are as follows:

EAST

Detroit V. Orlando: Rock City in 4
WHAT WILL HAPPEN—Rasheed will probably devour Jameer Nelson, like, literally EAT him

Cleveland V. Washington: Cavs in 4
WHAT WILL HAPPEN—Dan Steinz will sub in for Jarvis Hayes and hit the game winning 3 … in our dreams…

Toronto V. New Jersey: Dinos in 6
WHAT WILL HAPPEN—TJ Ford, one moment dribbling the ball up court, the next, disappears into Mikki Moore’s hair

Miami V. Chicago: UPSET!! Heat in 6
WHAT WILL HAPPEN—Scott Skiles and Antoine Walker make out. Like, madly kissing and shit.

WEST:

Dallas V. Golden State: Mavs in 4
WHAT WILL HAPPEN—A collective “huh?” is heard when Austin Croshere checks in.

Phoenix V. Los Angeles: Suns in 5
WHAT WILL HAPPEN—Phil Jackson, in a timeout, reaches Zen Level 9000 and immediately singlehandely win a game. Making Kobe go “pshhh, did that Tuesday son”

San Antonio V. Denver: Spurs inOH SHIT JOEY CRAWFORD! It’s Joey muthafuckin Crawford!! And he has a steel chair ladies and gentlemen! Oh my god, all hell has broke loose!! Tim Duncan DID.NOT.SEE.THAT.COMING. WRESTLEMANIA 50!!!!

Utah V. Houston: Rockets finally win, in 6
WHAT WILL HAPPEN—Carlos Boozer’s head versus Shane Battier’s head… we all lose.

davidstern.jpgOh, no no no no. No. That is just a joke. The NBA didn’t really surrender, “ha ha”, of course they were “willing” “participants” in letting the Cavaliers “play” the Magic in exhibition games over at La Chine. “Of course.”

(shh! Comrades, we must not let the impending People’s Liberation Army get to us, the password to the safehouse is: varnish)

What does this all mean? Nothing really, for Sternbot, it’s your annual hypnotizing of the Chinese world to love the NBA; for LeBron and Dwight Howard? They’ll finally have a chance to return their rented copies of Hello Kitty 5: Destruction at Cloud City. All in all, when this thing hits, I’m approximizing that half of kids in attendence will be wearing bananas … so thuged out yo.

So I’m super doper sick with school-like symptoms with a hot fever of 2 essays that need to be done by Monday. The cure is to write 200 words in 3 hours, then goof off for next 9 hours. This recipe is flawless, and delicious.

To commemorate all that NBA/China/Hip Hop-ness (as well as semi-addressing some rather silly and that “stereotyping” non-sense, which, from what I gather around the nets, isn’t too damaging), here is good ol’ Dave Chappelle:

(Don’t worry Comrades, I’ll be posting as I’m likely to procastinate, a lot… in fact I’m doing it right now…)

LET’S be completely; honest here. I have not seen every single NBA game this season, for that is un-possible. I have not seen every Suns game this season, for I live in a country that hates sunlight, loves hockey and apparently wants to “diversify” their NBA coverage beyond just one team (losers!). But, what does this is all mean in regards to last night’s Mavericks vs. Ph.X Suns tilt?

It was the best game of the regular season.

Nash shoots with his mind

Don’t care about that TripOT Nets/Suns score-gasm from while back — there wasn’t any noticeable defense (due to sick offense I know..) that made you as a fan jump up whenever a stop was made. Don’t care about anything other than knowing #1 and #2 weren’t budging one bit to show everyone and themselves that they are supreme.

From this entry’s title, one may think I’m giving the win to Nash solely, one is right. Steven Nash is awesome. STAT had a lot to do with the W as well, but hitting the 3 FTs (practically a gimme for him, but still); hitting the 3 to send to OT; drawing charges; making passes to Stoudamire’s kneecaps rah rah rah. He did it.

If Jesus came back to play ball for the Lakers and he saw game tape of Nash and how he runs the Suns, I’m quite sure He of Nazareth would say, “Ooooh heeeell no! I’m not competing against that! That’s some heavy dosage will-power son!”

Mavericks on the other hand, are also a thing to be admired. The roles of each player are so well defined that their machine has very little weakness. JeT knows exactly when to hit big buckets; J-Ho knows he can get fast points by beating any defenders and Dirk… well… you just don’t count him out, ever. That vicious Dirk Dunk, “Dir-unk”, shows just how tenacious he is now more than ever. Like, wanting to rip you skull off type tenacious.

Seeing those all those elements mash up into 4 quarters and 2 extra periods was pretty nifty.



It was the best game of the regular season…. until April 1st that is…

[Note: Okay, everything above was quite the exaggeration, as I wrote all that right after the game ended. Eh, I’m impulsive that way. But darn it if it wasn’t a fun game for all to be had (except, well, the Mav fans and Mark Cuban’s goatee)]

UNRELATEDNESS – short version: I am ROAD TRIPPin All Weekend; long version (basketball related): CLICK HERez

No really, it is–I speaketh the truth. I don’t know what it is about the 06-07 season, but there just seems to be a maelstrom of incredibly weird/odd/shocking/funny in a sad way/sad news as we near the final stages of the regular season, none of which.. has to do with the game itself:

  • nouveau-ball fiasco
  • old-ball fiasco
  • MSG 30 second fisticuffs fiasco
  • Vegas fiasco
  • Fiasco fiasco (that’s so going to be the name of my imaginary metal rap band)
  • Amaechi selling books and the media-caused fiasco
  • Tim Hardaway “[word greater] than fiasco”
  • and now, Cedric Maxwell and his love for breakfast

Maxwell has since apologized here, but from the 300+ comments over at the FanHouse, I’d say Cornbread now has a hard time finding someone to make his…er… cornbread.

Anyways, back to the little point I was trying to go for before making another bad joke: what is up with this season’s off court deal? I mean, for a blogger, YES! But looking at it from a distance, I’d say it’s been hella weird. Maybe having so much media/blog scrutinizing everything, almost nothing falls into the cracks anymore? I’m not sure, just still, weird—I’m expecting any moment that a random player would come out and say they perfected time travel.

Onto the ‘Tacks:

ps: There’s a LOSTmobile now on the island?! WTF?

  • CK on GA—that sound you hear is my mind being blown
  • Money Players looks at retired sports player and their pensions. um.. Yay!
  • !SPOILERz! Heroes is pretty much a fun show with horrible dialogue, and here’s a promo with a reveal of the big boss—and it’s KENNY ROGERS!!
  • An-drea.Bar-gnan-i, here’s what’s insane about his shooting: it’s all upper body. And it’s not that he doesn’t jump, but the bottom half of his body may be off balanced and his shooting form is still good

And finally… a dunk contest gone horribly horribly wrong, but oh so funny (I’m going to hell regardless, but I laughed my arse off):

Note: good way to start a convo with a hot chick though:

“hey, sup? Um.. so uh.. wanna help me out in the dunk contest? Cool!”

[crashes into her]

“Ohhh no!.. I can’t believe I ‘fell’ into you…ha ha ha.”

Repeat steps 1 and 2 = instead love and/or restraining order + medical expenses (whichever..)

damn, I know the title wasn’t original as it is.. then I realize Deadspin used it already.. damnit Will! You know my skill for witty titles only come every other Wednesday!

Is anybody traded yet? Anybody? Bueller?

On to the Tacks!

I’m guessing some of the following have already been linked up all over the webs, but the entires are still amazingly good that it would a crime, against humanity and cute puppies all over the world, if I didn’t put it up here as well.

Check it:

  • George Takei: character actor, Sci-fi icon, and now, Tim Hardaway’s fuck buddy newest lover
  • …which totally makes sense now that you think about it. No wonder he never auditioned for “Young Wet Bitches”
  • Here are my answers to The Feed’s “30 Questions” in totally scrambled order: No, “I dunno”, no, no, no, no, no, yes, no, no, no, “just because”, no, no, “both”, yes, no, yes, yes, yes, no, “six”, “pass”, no, no, yes, yes, “who cares”, no, yes. Piece it together and win a prize! (You’ll get the prize, once you can guess what it is! hint: it’s nothing!)
  • STEINZ! Owned! Burn! [expletive regarding Sam Smith!] And aww.. Dan loses the fedora.. I quite liked it (…*voodoo mind trick: send it to me…*) oh, and I cannot wait for BogTV with the ever luminous co-host Jamie Mottram, take that Magic Hour! Update: Interview With A BOGpire (horrible..horrible joke..)
  • ROBOT.MONKEYS.!!!
  • Oh yea, I guess I should talk about trades… umm.. yea.. let’s see.. it’s 11:30am now.. and nothing’s happening… crap. I might as well offer my couch to the Clippers to see if I can acquire Maggette myself and start my own franchise. So anyway, nothing’s happening and I’ll be out til after the deadline this afternoon.. pssh NBA, so inconsiderate of MY life schedules..

To conclude, here’s Sheriff Dangle and the gang at a Sixers game… ehh, wun’t their best effort, but I still loves me my Reno 911

EDIT: Many never-ending thanks to Gilbertology for being all over this:

The Getty Images photographer Brent Stirton should have his salary increased just for this! Speaking of which, yo Getty! Hook up those piks w/o them watermarks son! How about it? (I’ll even pay you with my empty ink catridges!)

anyways, this wonderful saga continues… (and no, I will never ever evver be tired of this.. if you are.. apologies.. but c’mon! it’s still cool as ever! join my fun times!)

…if only I remember what it is…hmm…eh, it’s probably nothing. I’ll just go ahead and spend the entire weekend doing my long awaited 2000 piece jigsaw puzzle without worry that there’s something going on. Yup.

Onto the Thumbtacks Batman!:

  • Didn’t want to start with some uglyness, but it’s pretty
    much the craziest fucking thing I’ve heard this morning/last night: Tim Hardaway Doesn’t Care About Gay People. MJD over at FanHaus has a nice couple of followups as well. tinyEdit: NBX always brings the h-a-h-A-game with a lil’ remix (but there’s no Lauren…snif.. that’s like something without something else) tinyEDITx2 here’s the video-style (thanks Justin!):

[livevideo id=D78C5028215C42F6BCADEA12BBCF4836]

  • Couldn’t you just imagine Timmy in the movie Borat with the way he outwardly said those things?sigh.. Here’re things that helps restore my faith in humanity:
  • 43Drills.com is a fine site that’s looking for more people
    to participate in discussions of.. well, drills. So go on over and start spilling your secret suicide drills! And how do I know it’s a good site? Because it’s muuuch better than 42drills.com, those guys were fucking morons
  • blog world fav S-to-the-E-C-K-to-the-BACH gives us the downlo on the what what, the 411, the speeddial, the–okay I’ll stop–on: Valentine’s Day (well, yesterday..)
  • Jason Gurney wants YOU to enlist!…. in a beta thingy, (yo, I promise it’s friggin’ awesome, so ‘hop’ on it! [side note: yes, that’s a dig J, heh, my lawyers say I can win BIG!)]

And for all those Vegas bound peeps, THIS is what you’re missing, here in The MT-L:


from spcbrass because my camera sucks

Yeah, that’s right, snow, lots of it! Eat that.