Archive for the ‘Miami Heat’ Category

Dwyane Wade Will Take His Sweet Time

Oy, two posts in one day about the Miami Heat? Ugh. Oh well, we have to toughen up for this shit.

So mister D-Wade isn’t going to be back on time for training camp because the doctor has some words of sage advice:

“I’m a fast healer, but my doctor really wants to make sure I’m well and I’m healthy and we don’t have to go through this process again,” Wade said. “He’d rather for me not to rush back to get in training camp and maybe aggravate something early in the season.”

Dude plays hard every night so I don’t blame the Doctor to keep an eye on things. I guess there really isn’t a point to this post other than to photoshop Wade in Doctor Who because there’s a doctor involved in the story. And also because Doctor Who is magnificent… and also because I’m a nerd.

Al-Zo just declared that he wants yet another go with the Miami Heat next season. Word on the Streetz has you covered with the pulse of the nation on this monumental happenstance:

Melissa Newman
Anthropologist
“From a scientific perspective
I can understand how Zo just
needs to convulse after every
blocked shot… I mean, it’s simple
human nature.”

Tim McGibbons
Chess Grandmaster
“It’s a good thing I think
actually. We all need to yell
at someone for the entire game
for just being a dick right?”

“The Hunter”
CIA: Classified
“Not surprising at all that
he’d return. He’s been doing
this since the late 1700s—
… I’ve said too much.”

Rapid Fire: Vince’s Pinky; AK’s Ass Face; Walker Starting and N’Dong

Man, I thought Golden State would never lose at home — that’s the contract they signed wasn’t it? Damn, I don’t want to say the Warriors are done…… but…… the Warriors are done. Sorry my dear dear Bay Area pals (you know who you are) but the Jazz aren’t Dallas Choke-vericks.

They’ve got Acne Boozer; Turtle D-Williams, Mr. Roboto #47 and Okur. The only other place you’d find that eclectic mix of culture and race in one place is during a drug deal (my frame of reference only extend to stereotypical blockbuster action films and not real life). Last night, if anything was another typical Jazz game. They kept doing their thing and got their win.

Warriors, of course, tried to keep doing their thing, just this time the shots weren’t falling. If it did, I’m sure the series would’ve been 2-2 now. But alas, such is why a dream cannot be continued.

“People go all crazy,” Kirilenko said. “You dunk on me, OK, next time I’m still going to try to block your shot again. “It’s a different mentality. Guys try to put their ass in your face or say something. I’m not intimidated by that stuff.”

Thank you wordsmith.
VC15, trapped in the closet (R.Kelly don’t rape sue me)

In other Playoffs news

Vincent Lamar Carter apparently had an ouchie with his vagina pinky finger in Game 3 against the Cavaliers:

Vince Carter‘s left pinkie knuckle, bruised in Game 3, was wrapped yesterday. But he said “It’s not broken, so I can play.”

Yeah? You can? GREAT. VC’s little boo-boo notwithstanding, I think the LeBrons will take this game tonight. It’s cool and all for Jason Kidd to remember he can shoot from the outside again, ditto for Jefferson getting his, but the sooner this series end, the better it will be on our souls.

In other OTHER Playoff news, the Phoenix Suns try not to fall into oblivion. What I’m saying is that if they lose tonight, and go down 3-1, it would make my NBA fandom very sad. Suns making it to the Finals this year means so much for me. It would mean that the NBA has room for all types of champion styles; it would mean that for once, I team I rooted for from beginning to end of season could go all the way; it would mean awesomeness. For all the great things D’Antoni, Nash, Marion, Stoudamire has given us, I feel it’s for nothing and another year gone of Nash’s greatness. Gawd, fucking Spurs.

Loose Change

He’s fat. And a big baby.
— Antoine Walker believes he can have his cake and eat 600 of them too!

Heat forward Antoine Walker — due $8.5 and$9.3 million the next two years — said he ”definitely” plans to speak to Pat Riley about his desire to be a starter, if he’s not traded. ”I play better as a starter. For me to be an effective player in this system, there’s a certain way you have to play. We’ve got to balance out this attack.”

Riiiight. There are 5 things wrong in that last statement. But I be classy and not joke of them. Nope. I won’t connect the obvious joke of the words “balance”; “Walker”; “can’t”; and “fat”. No sir, not here!

— And finally, a request to my Spanish readers, help me out: what’s going on in this page, and specifically, shed light on Mr. Boniface N’Dong PLEASE. That is front runner for best name in the history of the world.

Pistons beat Cavaliers:

‘Twas a low scoring affair with Detroit seemingly in control the entire time (even though the game was close most of the game). Don’t be fooled by the fact that LeBron James had 20, 5, and 6, he wasn’t really a factor.

So, get it? I Wonder where LBJ was…… Yeaaaah…

ANYWAYS, if this is a preview of what’s to come in the playoffs, then I’m sorry Cavalier faithfuls, your boys aren’t bringing home the cash, money, hoes this June.

Special note of the game: I just love how crazy Sheed looks most of the time, he’s like a sub-atomic isotope—you just don’t know when it’ll blow up (that is what an isotope does right? ugh, chemistry professor hated me). It’s no wonder their team has the biggest blog followings in Need4Sheed (who’s getting a guest spot on NBA.com!) and Detroit Bad Boys.

Phoenix beat LaL:

For some reason, this game should’ve been titled: The SMUSH Parker Episode. They couldn’t stop talking about him! Not that the commentary was good (they were talking about how he’s not on Phil Jackson’s good side because well—he truly sucks at his position for the Lakers) but OMG they could have at least not had the a Smush camera as well.

Kobe yet again had to shoulder the scoring, which is why I feel even if it’ll be a rematch of last year’s first round, the Suns would just dominate. The Lake Show just don’t have any type of defining chemistry out there (there I go with the science talk again) whereas Nash and Co. will burn them alive by inevitably running their thing.

Special note of the game: End of the first quarter, Dick Bavetta and the refs caught Kobe fouling RahRah with 0.3 seconds left on the clock. They caught this… on replay. So when they came back from commercials they actually replayed those 0.3 seconds left, and went straight into the 2nd QT. I don’t really mind the fact they replayed, but I’m just curious how soon will it be until replays will be used a lot more.

Charlotte BoobieCats beat Miami:

I didn’t actually see this game, so I’ll just grab Ira Winderman’s game quotes:

— “At the end of the day, you always want to win, you always want to come back and help the team win,” Wade said. “At times, I looked OK, and at times I didn’t. They were coming at me and I had a lot of turnovers, missed a lot of free throws. But one thing about me, I won’t do that too often.”

– “I’m not going to do anything stupid. I wouldn’t have shot-faked like that on my left side,” he said. “I knew it was my strong side, my right side.”

— And yes, O’Neal left without comment again.

Oh Shaq! You mischief you.

Special note of the game: While this game was in progress, I believe I was having an apple. It was delicious.

Elsewhere…….for NBA fans everywhere that don’t know who to root for in the playoffs: T-Dot. Raptors were able to close to a Bulls team that weren’t taking the game lightly, fun team to watch……Philly ‘beat’ Atlanta, though when these two teams play, no one really wins……Houston over Kings, the Maloofs plan on opening a casino at the top of Yao’s head……

In other news:

Dan Steinzzzz and Jamie Mottzzzzz did Blog Show episode #Allen Iverson last Friday rounding up, and I counted, a zillion blogs. The Unrelatedness got a shoutout! HUZZAH! That spectacular ego-inflating tidbit aside, their show is getting pretty kickass, all we need now is some nekkid hobos in the background…

Magic 8 Ball Says… Fear the Return of Jason Kapono

Every Wednesday from now until the playoffs (or eternity, whichever comes first), the Unrelatedness shall go into deep length about a vague topic nobody cares about take a moment and observe the bball world at the macro level (I have no idea what that means either)

“Ah!! It BURNS!!!” That’s how’d I react if the bloody Heat, using Dwyane “Elastic Arms” Wade’s impending return as an uplift, are suddenly the hunters instead of the hunted. They did take down the young studs that is the Barney team last night. Even though the Jurassic Park Team were wounded as it is (Andrea and Jorge gone due to injury—NOTE: those are really NBA players, you must believe me), the real dinosaurs, Shaq & Co. gutted out the win. You know, their bullcrap of suddenly turning it up would annoy me, but I think a major props is due because they know if they use the last few week’s winning momentum, then they’d be in top shape during playoffs.

Wait. You know what. I take that back. F Miami. I hate them, I hate their fans and their movies. Because I’m fickle like that, that’s just how I roll.

Down shifting gears there’s an interview with everyone’s favourite OJ Mayo over at HoopsWorld. In there, he sounds pretty down to earth and seems like he’s in control of what he’s doing. On playing more than one year at USC:

Are you someone who’s looking to learn what he can in one year’s worth of college basketball then hit the big league, or are you still leaving open the possibility of playing a couple years at USC?

I can see myself staying for more than one year. I’ll stay until I feel like I’m ready to go to the next level. They’re all stepping stones until you get to where you want to get to—until you reach what’s above your head. I’m going to accomplish everything that I want to accomplish in college, and once I’ve done that, then I’ll be ready to leave.

BWahaha, yea right son! Even if you don’t win the NCAA Championship next year, I’m willing to bet my friend’s dog that you’ll declare, just ask Oden. But back to the interview, here’s what makes me think Mayo has a solid head about the things around him:

You and Kevin Love are two of the most highly-touted prospects in the country, and you’re going to be playing your college ball about twenty minutes away from each other in L.A. Do you see Love being someone you could spark a friendly rivalry with throughout your collegiate and pro careers?

(Laughing) You never know. It just depends, but I hope so. I think most definitely it would be a great rivalry. I know him since the eighth grade, he’s a great guy and a great competitor also. Knowing he’s only twenty minutes away, I think we’ll be pushing each other and it’ll make us better players. I think it’s good for both of us.

Oooooo, why don’t you just marry him if you love him that much! ♪ OJ and Kevin, sittin’ in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-♪–err.. moving on…

What the hell did Dirk eat?? Insider sources revealed this to The Unrelatedness today:

Finally, there is only one Highlander: Yao, being CPotW (Conference Player of the Week for you acronym evaders) is now part of the Brotherhood of Cracking Jokes at Mount Mutombo:

Asked Mutombo’s age, Yao Ming said, “Like his number.”

Mutombo wears No. 55.

BURN!

POST-IT NOTES GOT THE STREETz ON LOCKDOWN, OAKTOWN!!!

Dwyane Wade Doesn’t Need Time To Heal — He Heals Time

Or something, my Chuck Norris-esque joke attempts are weak.

Here is what AP writer Tim Reynolds is stirring up:

Dwyane Wade sat before a bank of microphones on March 5, saying he would need at least two weeks of rehabilitating his dislocated left shoulder before deciding whether to return to the Miami Heat this season.

It’s been two weeks. Still, no one knows for sure when the NBA finals MVP will be back.

And if a timetable exists, Wade isn’t saying just yet.

Hmmm……

A solemn goodbye to Dennis Johnson. CelticsBlog is definitely a place to turn to for perspective and while you’re there, give the guys a good ‘ol blog-hug.

Steven Kerr and J-Mac also wrote about DJ’s lasting effect on the word ‘tough’. RIP DJ.

Speaking of Kerr, dude does it all. After doing color commentary for TNT he has the intestinal fortitude to write about how the Heat can still “theoritically” make it work without Wade. Dude, Steve, bro, buddy, I know you’re throwing them a bone and being a respected analyst of the NBA you’ve got to do that.. but c’mon man, say it with me “the-HEAT-are-done” ahh.. feels good huh.

But look, I’m only burying the team and seriously not giving them a chance now so that when they prove me wrong, it’ll be so much easier to root for them. Think about it: they’re in no position to win—8th in the East with Joisey breathing down just one and a half games behind, Wade out 6 weeks to cry some more, and Riles JUST came back… and oh yeah, only 28 games to be played. “Underdog” is right my friends! If they somehow make it and have Wade back strong, hell yeah I’ll be rooting for them, and I’m not a hypocrite if I stated my intentions (true story).

So follow my equation $\frac{x+Heat}{y-Wade}= \int y \mathrm{\Psi}x \times \frac{\Theta}{\Phi} \textit{ where y is Playoffs}$

As you can see, my logic is failproof.

Okay, so the big trades were Fred Jonessss to Portland, Juan Dixon to T-Dot, Anthony Johnson to Hawks and ALAN F’ning HENDERSON to the Jazz. Awesome. Though I’ll say this about Dixon’s move, he’s another solid “scoring” PG for the Raps but since Calderon and Ford are pretty good combo as it is, I have a feeling Dix might have a hard time seeing PT (unless he becomes straight up lock-down defender…)

Matt Carroll. Why did I bring up this obscure cat from the Bobcats? I have no freaking clue. Well, maybe because the last point in Rick Bonnell’s Charlotte Observer blog (if only I can grow a moustache…) he mentioned that Carroll is an all around balla, not just a shooter.

— Most people see Matt Carroll as just a shooter. He’s not. He’s an all-around basketball player who can shoot. During Morrison’s scoring run, Carroll grabbed two huge rebounds against taller players. He’s tough, smart and productive.

Carroll’s line is 43% from the field on 3 of 8, goes to the FT stripe tearing up 92% style, getting 11pts per all in 24 minutes this year. And you know he’s a thug because he’s all arm-band and shit! Matt Carroll, Obama’s running mate.

And lastly, I noticed Yahoo¿ now has faux-blogs from Adrian Wojnarowski here. Good for The ‘Hoo! but the comments section is uugh.. so very message-board-y.. *shudder*

Ref Derek Richardson: Nonono, that wasn’t a foul Dwyane.
Richardson: Look, I mean, maybe there was contact, but I didn’t see it
Richardson: ….well I guess I sort of did see it.. but I can’t give you all the calls
Richardson: ….alright alright! I’ll give you all the next calls man! Just stop whatever you’re doing now!!
Wade: (now muttering in satanic tongue)
Richardson: good god! I think I just committed a foul on you…What the hell are you doing to me?!

Yes, this topic is as old as Kevin Willis, but there are some fun quotes from SunSentinel’s latest remix of Wade’s theatrics, asking players if there are “favor calls”:

“It’s 100 percent real,” Nets forward Richard Jefferson said. “It’s an unspoken thing.”

“As far as close calls, if you have more star power, you probably get that call,” said Golden State guard Jason Richardson, who has gained that stature in the past year.

While their point from a player’s perspective is taken, I just had to snicker at the fact that those are currently injured.

Separating fact, myth

Such opinions rankle Ronnie Nunn, the NBA’s director of officials. Nunn, a former player at George Washington University, said he’s the first person with a basketball background in the past 25 years to hold the job and that he’s trying to use that experience to improve the officiating.

He puts respect calls alongside other “myths” that are accepted as fact in the league’s culture, like “home cooking” and the league favoring teams in large markets. Nunn said these observations are passed down as fact to each generation of players, coaches and fans.

Ahh, good ‘ol NBA myths. You notice that Nunn doesn’t dispel the myth of snorting powdered Cocoa Puffs for extra energy huh? What about that myth RonRon??

Anyhow, it’s unsure whether officiating will evolve dramatically to where one day fans can log on to NBA.com and vote for their favourite refs (Bob Delaney holla! ps if nba.com does this, I want my cut) And since refereeing in the NBA is never perfect—everyone will just have to play the game within the game (the tricks mentioned the article) and win those unseen battles along the way.

But Nunn probably will say that’s a myth too—hell, I bet he thinks I’m a myth for typing all this up!

In other (self)news THEHYPEGUY.COM:

Time for class… wee!/ugh. I’ll post up the RadioCast bit later when I get back!

Yup, one more thing, the new domain [THEHYPEGUY.COM], unlike the Deathstar, is now fully operational! If ever you feel the need to refresh your links (who wouldn’t!) be sure to update yours truly!

Thursday Thumbtacks: Pussycat Dolls Must Die

Making the rounds over at the NBA FanHouse and Awful Announcing comes this masterpiece:

As been documented in the UnrelatednessClan once not long ago, we hate the PSD. The only thing that makes the PSD tolerable is that PSD also stands for “photoshop document”—something we are in love with(UPDATE: it’s come to my unfortunate attention in the comments that it’s really PCD and not PSD… it’s a holiday miracle!!!)

ANYWAY, if you thought that lil’ ditty was ‘something’, wait til you hear what was left on the cutting floor:

RIGHT NOW
Lakers/Heat aint a matchup you looking for
RIGHT NOW
Don’t confuse us with a bunch of whores
RIGHT NOW
You know that Shaq caaan’t duuunk no mooooore!

[music picks up]

RIGHT NOW
Don’t you over-react like ‘Sheed
RIGHT NOW
Or else you blow the (20 point) lead
RIGHT NOW
Fuck it, let’s just smooooke soome weeeeeed!

Uh-huuuuh… Uh-huuuuuh… Uh-huuuuuh

Um.. awkwardly segueing from that.. Hoops Addict has a wonderful podcast with Rus Bradburd, the author of “Paddy on the Hardwood”—great insights of a man wanting to get away from the stress of the structure of U.S. hoops by going to Ireland—however he falls right back in love with the game because he gets to teach it to a bunch of guys because they play for the purity of it and not the money, fame, etc.

Recommended listen and it really makes you want to go check out the book (c’mon Amazon, I’m waiting!)

No, YOU Take The Charge

We’re coming to the last leg of the Previews and we take a look at the Miami Heat from Crazy From The Heat and the Orlando Magic from Believing In Magic. For what it’s worth (probably a sandwich), I think the Magic are going to explode this year. If they can somehow hypnotize Carlos Arroyo into thinking this is the Puerto Rican national team, they’ll surely have a nasty backcourt.

In real life news: Going to get back to the Rec League Reffin thing tonight, so be sure to look out for the highly anticipated and highly acclaimed and highly high something report sometime tomorrow.

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