Archive for the ‘Toronto Raptors’ Category

You need to know who’s going where for how much $$? Well, go look up it guy, I’m not your mom. Oh wait, um, sorry! Please come back! I’m cranky because I didn’t have my morning cookie. Alright, alllright… I’m better now. So, here is the exhaustive comprehensive list of all thing Free Agency signage:



Chauncey Billups: $60 Mil, 5 years
First thing to purchase: 500 iPhones, one for each of his contacts







Rashard Lewis: $4274580223147 Mil, ∞ years
First thing to purchase: Canada










Gerald Wallace: $57 Mil, 6 years
First thing to purchase: Bethlehem Shoals‘ apartment






Jason Kapono: $24 Mil, 4 years
First thing to purchase: more hair gel








Cookie Monster: 10 000 Cookies Carrots, 10 years
First thing to purchase: the hell? you can’t buy shit with carrots, what a dumbass… carrots…








Michael Moore: $40 Mil, 2 years
First thing to purchase: a life size doll of Dr. Sanjay Gupta and burn it








Vince Carter: $61 Mil, 4 years
First thing to purchase: a new cooter



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Oui oui, it was the most joyous of Canadian days yesterday for it was THE Canada Day son! It also rained. It freakin always rains on Canada Day here in the M-T-L. Goddamn mooses.

So a couple of months back we brought up the attention to Mr. Chris Bosh’s venture into the podcast land. Now apparently he’s stepping things up with a VIDEO podcast going along with the audio. I watched a bit and dude’s so into it I felt like bottling his enthusiasm and sell it on the black market.

It’s nothing spectacularizing, basically it’s just the raw podcast session videotaped… without the snazzy music… I dunno, it’s not that amazing if you think about it… eh.. shit, well you know what, I thought it’s interesting that Chris is hosting his own show in a media format that doesn’t feel like he’s trying too hard (like ahem, dudes trying to rap…) and he’s just chatting it up, fun stuff. Have a lookie if you have the time here (hmm, that felt a little too marketing to me… I swear I wasn’t paid for this… yet, you listenin’ Bosh?!)

In other, more relevant, apparently Jason “The Lost Member of 98 Degrees” Kapano is joining the Raptors. For those counting at home, the roster is now 239% made up of shooters. Also, J-Peezy now joins Luke Jackson and Kris Humphries as being actually the only legit white boyz on a team full of Euros/Intn masquerading as whiteys (Andrea Bargnani, Jose Calderon, Jorge Garbajosa, Carlos Delfino, Rasho Nesterovic, Uros Slokar plus newest draft dude Giorgos Printezis) and a “he looks white, but I’m not sure” guy (Anthony Parker)

Good stuff I say for Raptors, Kapono is deadly from 3pt land (when he’s not being counted on as the only scorer like Miami needed him down the stretch last season) especially with the fact that Morris Peterson might not be back. He’ll get pleeenty of open looks now that Chris Bosh will be personally offended if he’s not double teamed.

Make sure you listen to the very end

And it turns out Bruce Willis was a ghost. True story!

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That was a good tv season. See LOST? A show can be good, you should try it sometime. The title of course refers a phrase from the (Friday Night Lights) show, though it is a little modified, as it is about…

… the freakin’ Utah Jazz. What the eff? Dropping 5 straight? Somewhere that can’t be good with just a couple games left as Playoffs come around. Considering the fact that they might want to have a little bit of push too as they are likely to meet the not-so-easy Houston Rockets.

On to the gridiron ‘tacks!

  • Thanks to Steinz for pointing this out: Chris Bosh is blogging! In it, he mentions how he wants people to know he’s pretty funny, and not the laconic power forward Canada’s grown to appreciate. And I believe him! After taking a listen to his Podcast[mp3], dude’s got a fun personality. Could turn out to be a good show—they (it’s with a buddy Devo Brown) riff on current events and not all about basketball, pretty neat
  • Henry Abbott asks why don’t more Chinese kids wear Yao Ming jerseys? For what it’s worth, I don’t have any jerseys …
  • Sure Mutombo and Kevin Willis are old, but they aint got nuttin’ on this mothertrucker
  • Yi Jianlian is going to pre-draft camps, nothing that surprising really, except this tidbit from the article:

In November, Yi’s club cleared the hip-hop music loving teenager to enter the 2007 NBA draft on June 28. Yi, reportedly sought by several clubs, is likely to be one of the top picks.

I’ve seen that reported a couple times, the “likes hip-hop” music thing, elsewhere about Yi… and I just wonder, did they really have to include that “interesting” factoid? Is that how he’s going to be portrayed to the basketball world that reads the newswires? “Hey you hear about this Jianlian kid? No? Well, check this out: He likes hip-hop! Yeah! No shit! It’s all right here! Fuck yeah he’s probably good!”

Alrighty, to lazy it out the rest of the way:

Shaq’s awesome.

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Remind me never to challenge a prehistoric reptile… can’t believe I fell for that, damnit.

No seriously, if you’re still wondering whether or not to take the Toronto Raptors seriously or mildly think of them as that “awww, look that them… they made the playoffs, AND got the Atlantic Div crown, SOOOO CUUUTE!” then think no more.

Still thinking? Then stop it! Because they’re a fun team to root for—emphasis on the word ‘team’.

It’s so simple how these guys play: Bosh will tear up anyone inside, if he gets doubled, pass it to any other players on his team and they either make their open shots, or skip it around again for even open-er shots. It’s as simple as deactivating a bomb while serving ice cream!

Anyways, watch them come playoff time, you won’t be disappointed (in case you end up disappointed, this conversation never happened.)

Random Clip of the Day: Alanis Morissette is fucking hilarious.

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Pistons beat Cavaliers:

‘Twas a low scoring affair with Detroit seemingly in control the entire time (even though the game was close most of the game). Don’t be fooled by the fact that LeBron James had 20, 5, and 6, he wasn’t really a factor.

So, get it? I Wonder where LBJ was…… Yeaaaah…

ANYWAYS, if this is a preview of what’s to come in the playoffs, then I’m sorry Cavalier faithfuls, your boys aren’t bringing home the cash, money, hoes this June.

Special note of the game: I just love how crazy Sheed looks most of the time, he’s like a sub-atomic isotope—you just don’t know when it’ll blow up (that is what an isotope does right? ugh, chemistry professor hated me). It’s no wonder their team has the biggest blog followings in Need4Sheed (who’s getting a guest spot on NBA.com!) and Detroit Bad Boys.steve-nash.png

Phoenix beat LaL:

For some reason, this game should’ve been titled: The SMUSH Parker Episode. They couldn’t stop talking about him! Not that the commentary was good (they were talking about how he’s not on Phil Jackson’s good side because well—he truly sucks at his position for the Lakers) but OMG they could have at least not had the a Smush camera as well.

Kobe yet again had to shoulder the scoring, which is why I feel even if it’ll be a rematch of last year’s first round, the Suns would just dominate. The Lake Show just don’t have any type of defining chemistry out there (there I go with the science talk again) whereas Nash and Co. will burn them alive by inevitably running their thing.

Special note of the game: End of the first quarter, Dick Bavetta and the refs caught Kobe fouling RahRah with 0.3 seconds left on the clock. They caught this… on replay. So when they came back from commercials they actually replayed those 0.3 seconds left, and went straight into the 2nd QT. I don’t really mind the fact they replayed, but I’m just curious how soon will it be until replays will be used a lot dwayne-wade.pngmore.

Charlotte BoobieCats beat Miami:

I didn’t actually see this game, so I’ll just grab Ira Winderman’s game quotes:

— “At the end of the day, you always want to win, you always want to come back and help the team win,” Wade said. “At times, I looked OK, and at times I didn’t. They were coming at me and I had a lot of turnovers, missed a lot of free throws. But one thing about me, I won’t do that too often.”

– “I’m not going to do anything stupid. I wouldn’t have shot-faked like that on my left side,” he said. “I knew it was my strong side, my right side.”

— And yes, O’Neal left without comment again.

Oh Shaq! You mischief you.

Special note of the game: While this game was in progress, I believe I was having an apple. It was delicious.

Elsewhere…….for NBA fans everywhere that don’t know who to root for in the playoffs: T-Dot. Raptors were able to close to a Bulls team that weren’t taking the game lightly, fun team to watch……Philly ‘beat’ Atlanta, though when these two teams play, no one really wins……Houston over Kings, the Maloofs plan on opening a casino at the top of Yao’s head……

In other news:

Dan Steinzzzz and Jamie Mottzzzzz did Blog Show episode #Allen Iverson last Friday rounding up, and I counted, a zillion blogs. The Unrelatedness got a shoutout! HUZZAH! That spectacular ego-inflating tidbit aside, their show is getting pretty kickass, all we need now is some nekkid hobos in the background…

Y’know, reff’in with the NWA NBA is hard… hardcore. I mean, how else are you supposed to call ambiguous action like this?

Another example of this arose as I was tv surfin’, half watching some of the Raps/Celtics game last Friday that was at the TD Banknorth arena. (Side note: what up with TD center being super electronic gadget heavy—LCD screens on the scorer’s table.. and two shot clocks on each basket?? I’m sure soon the floor will be made of some sort of LCD-Wood hybrid…) ANYWAY, the thug Chris Bosh got served up a tech from referee Pat Fraher after he.. well, see for yourself:

That clip (which I edited!! go me!) shows you right up to the tech, but didn’t you see how uncontrolled Bosh was?? Unnecessary taunting for 0.005 seconds after he eviscerated poor Olowokandi’s dignity (or what’s left of it)! Didn’t you see how much that warranted a tech? Distasteful! He.. he should be sent to sensitivity camp, erroneous! Exclamation points!

In other Non-Sarcasm Land: The “hoo-hoo!” sound in the clip came from NBATV’s Gail Goodrich, this is he on the right. Now, as someone that still has several more years left of subscription with “being hip wit da lingo”, I just can’t believe Gail yelped “hoo-hoo!” like he were with his homeboys. Damnit Gail, don’t steal from the youth!

Extra: So you know I sorta empathize with reffin’: Rec-League Refereeing

According to an article (which, btw, has a kickass snarky title) by Steve Buffery of TorontoSun dot com, Steve Nash likes the way the Dinos play:

“I think it’s exciting that Toronto has a young and exciting team and, as a Canadian, I’m rooting for them,” Nash said. “I want them to do well, and I think it’s great that Bryan’s been able to create a new culture with the team and I think they’re on the right track.”

Hmm, interesting that he said that… even more interesting given the fact that I found out about a little exchange going down…town…nashsecrets.jpg

Just so you know Sam Mitchell is in fact the master of “answering dumb questions with an even dumber response in a totally unironic way”:

He also chided a couple of hacks who floated the theory that Steve Nash’s winning two MVP awards is a surprise given his Canadian background and lack of size.

“Nobody was surprised when Magic (Johnson) won or (Michael) Jordan won, so why is it a surprise that it’s Steve Nash?” Mitchell said. “That’s your shortcomings.”

Ah, I’ll miss Sammy’s verbal-fu when he’s gone after the All-Star break…

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Great way to start a Saturday huh, with just a smidget of cartoon-y violence. I don’t get “The Wire” up here, but I imagine that’s exactly how things would’ve gone down.

The New/Old Ball-pocalypse may or not really be a done deal, so that leaves us with another anti-climatic cliffhanger until the full resolution comes next season. Get new writers Stern! But hopefully the above installment will be the last ep in the string of | various | appearances | around here. |

Of course, it’s no Orange Roundie..

The Allen Iverson Purgatory Watch: Day 9, but it feels like Year 9. T-Dot scrambled the phone lines to tell the world they have 3 Mil to throw into this clusterfu rotisserie of a trade.

Suns extend their winning streak to number One-Three! They’re so hot right now, Jack McCallum’s book is spontaneously combusting in bookstores everywhere!

Yao Ming brought out the Peking Duck, called his friendslego.jpg (NOT inviting McGrady though, understandable) for a Block Party! He got a career high 8 blocks with 6 of them in the first half alone. Not wanting to be outdone, Dikembe Mutombo remembered, “oh shit, I can do that too!” and added 3 of his own. Per usual, Deke waved his finger, injuring 12 courtside attendees, 3 in critical condition.

Then the Rockets blew a 21 pt lead but Yao’s 8th block (well, goaltend) was crucial since they were down 2 with sixty on the crickety. OT: Kobe vs. Yao, both had chance to shoot to win. Draw. DoubleOT: Rockets missed everything, Kobe made everything. Lakers win. Kobe 53-10-8. Yao’s 35-15-4 and the aforementioned 8 blocks looks so, so sad.

However, Ben Wallace scoffs at both those un-American chumps by Kirby-ing his career high 27 boards. That’s just one shy of the entire Bucks’ defensive rebounds. Twenty effin’ Seven!

Pau Gasol played last night for the first time since the summer. Stat line: 4pts in 17mins… and they lost. Grizzlies: no no no no no! You want to tank the season AND save your franchise guy, c’mon! Greg Oden is rolling in his grave.

And the Wizards finally beat the Heat after 3 and half years of being hexed. Or sucked. Possibly both.

Related: hot damn, a one of a kind magical blogger is reveales(!!!!) I gotta say that’s a sharp looking dude (no Rod Strickland homo) to go with the genius mind that came up with Wizznutzz.

Quick thought, they should start a site called GrizzNutzz… ehh? ehh? Okay, maybe not.

Btw, me done with them exam thinys. Huzzah!

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As in I’m a lazy person. Just a Chris Bosh splash pic, no particular write up, hope Raps fans enjoy! Oh, and I’m convinced every player on the Knicks is fat.