Archive for May, 2007

And it’s a doodle… and it’s over here at Das Haus. Enjoy.

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LeBron, allowing his
armpits to shine
Well, golly gee wonkers, would you look at that. As if by magic, Roi James has now sparked a much needed excitement back into the decaying corpse of what was the 2007 Playoffs. Surely, it wasn’t his overall offensive output, at least not the traditional gauge (25, 7, 11? pfft, my imagary dog can do that), but it was just the way he hovers above the obstacle.

To be frank, he’s playing the way I’d want him to play in that given situation (this might sound absurd, but the Vince Carters of the world have caused so many wounds) by doing all the possible moves I’d prefer over moves I do not prefer.

So what was it, exactly, that allowed LBJ to capitalize on winning, as well as getting back the love of fans all over again? There must be of equal hate elsewhere in the world right?

So, I honour it by investigating the Top 5 Universe Hating That’s Helping Lebron:

#5 THE HOOPS WORLD (or 78% at least) HATES THE SPURS


“Blue Steel”

The Down-Lo

It’s not a stretch right? I mean, besides those wickedly funny dudes over at Pounding the Rock… and I guess… some people at the airport, San Antonio true love isn’t really there. Even the Flopper gets a bad grade on the Haus.

Hate Meter (1 low, 10 high)

8.3 — could be higher, but Beno Udrih is the man!

How It Helps LeBron

Setting up for a Duncan vs. LeBROWN showdown…

#4 THE MEDIA HATES ATHLETES’ LIVES

The Down-Lo

A lot of the recent “big stories” from news outlets seem to focus on the smallest things pro athletes are doing, that has nothing whatsoever to do with the sport. I’m not defending them (both athlete and media) per se, but does the public really care about it past the initial gut reaction

Hate Meter (1 low, 10 high)

9.6 — I mean, I can only care about a $xx million guy’s club activities for so long

How It Helps LeBron

Well, good thing is he’s still in the Playoffs, so no distractions for him!

#3 THE POLISH GOVERNMENT HATES THE TELETUBIES


How do I know you’re gay?

The Down-Lo

Dude, how did the headline writer get away with this? And how can I have a beer with him or her?

Hate Meter (1 low, 10 high)

7.9 — C’mon Poland, puppet homophobia?

How It Helps LeBron

Not. At. All.

#2 THIS GUY HATES TUCKING IN HIS SHIRT
#1 KOBE BRYANT HATES THE LAKERS


Kobe on the Buss of dooooooom

The Down-Lo

Kobe&
Kobe &
Kobe &
Kobe&
Kobe

Hate Meter (1 low, 10 high)

10 000 — you can hear his craving to bite off the head of anyone sporting a Lakers Official credential

How It Helps LeBron

This will be like his past, present and future all mixed nicely into one dramatic bomb which he can study and make sure never to go through

Ah, completely by accident, I swear, I stumbled on the holy grail that is NowitzkiChannel, where MavsMoneyball featured a clip of Dirk goofing off. Here is another where I believe Dirk is probably just a funny guy to hang out with, just listen to him:

“What is he doing?” C’mon tell me that isn’t so Napoleon Dynamite-esque. But true that, what was he doing (mind you, Steven Hunter was on that PHX clip… meaning this was like 3 years ago…)

Huzzah for LeBron Flight School, because enrollment is now available. THAT’s what we’re talking about. Hopefully he can keep at this tempo because Detroit’s backcourt is killing themselves right now. I’m not sure based on Game 3, that we can say the Cavs can win this, because Detroit still hasn’t played a good game yet.

Tonight the Mormons come out again and fight for their Playoff lives. I say Utah wins, only because the “Energy Solutions” arena is radioactive and gives the Jazz the unfair advantage.

Here are the thumbtacks yo:

  • Ballhype is now Facebook widgetized son! I personally don’t have a Facebook… because well, those type of pages require pictures right. And I photograph as well as Dennis Franz’ asscheeks (wait — was that compliment… hrmm)
  • Kobe Bryant, the man has a way with words. Oh, and yeah, he has a way with fucking everyone up with said words.
  • Zero, Agent. Talk. Rehab? Slow. Gaming, high. Hibachi return later
  • Just want link to Fear the Beard, very very ha ha stuff those Beardies.

How else can you explain the horrible-ness that is the under 80 points for both Games 1 and 2? I know they like to slow down those games, but DAMN, give us something. The issue is more than the low scoring obviously, but it’s more about the lackluster ompf of intensity.

Every play feels slow… and painfully predestrian. Here’s why:

Pistons side of things — they’ve been there for the past 5 years. They probably KNOW they can win this easy (as they should) but even they can’t even fool themselves into turning up the switch and being straight out dominating. Detroit is going by “willing the win” only. Certainly, if this is against the Spurs, they don’t have a catch, but it’s Cleveland, they don’t know crap.

Cavalier side of things — It’s on Lebron. No, I’m not saying BronBron is to be blamed for the two losses where his decision is being questioned all over. But that the entire team is as good as he is. That’s a knock on the Cavs not Lebron. No one else is making it hard for the Pistons. Seriously who? Big Z, slow. Sasha has a girl’s name so right away that’s a wash. Gooden? I forgot he was even in this series.

Nope, there’s nothing on the Cavs side that make me think: oh gee willikers, the Pistons might have trouble with him

Now, for something different…

If you’re like me… nearly impossible, because I’m 12 feet tall, you certainly love Inside the NBA. It’s more than a post game recap, it’s an actual good television show — it’s got humour, graphics, music choices are spendid. By now everyone knows the characters: EJ (though wasn’t on last night)’s the straight man, making jabs here and there on Chuck; Charles is the Homer Simpson of the bunch; Magic Johnson wants to sound like he’s about to be quoted, and Kenny just rolls with it. I would love to see the show being franchised, you know, like Law & Order and all 68 versions of C.S.I.

HMMMMMM…

Ernie Johnson: Welcome to Inside the Laser Tag alongside with me as always is Hall of Famer Magic Johnson, Kenny the Jet Smith and Charles Barkley…

Charles Barkley: Hey Ernie! Let me just say something real quick here. LOOK, I don’t care if the Blue team is losing, I’m still picking them to win the series. They showed something I haven’t seen before and that’s why I’m going to pick them.

Ernie: Kenny? Your pictures?

Kenny Smith: See, it’s interesting to see the dynamics after 5 Rounds. The Green team can play fast, or small… if you freeze it riiiiight there, KABLAM! see how the Red Team leader got ran up from behind by a smaller player. Championship players know how to play in all types of styles, that’s just how it go.

Magic: Ha ha ha ha ha.

Ernie: What’s your thoughts Magic?

Magic: You see Ernie, it’s like when I was playing with James Worthy, I was still the best player HA HA HA, but I knew when to give him the ball. The Blue team doesn’t know to pass…um… the laser… and they need to step up.

Charles: But Magic, Magic, look, Jerry Sloan is one of my faaaavorite people in the NBA, and it’s a damn shame we watchin the talent tonight. Man, Michael Jordan is rolling in his grave!

Ernie: Alright, that wraps up…

Charles: One more thing! I can’t believe the Green Team didn’t double team the Blue team. I mean come on now… come on… come on, this is the championship we’re playing in, not the kindergarten! If was in there, there aint no one but me and my laser gun and we be blasting our way through. I’ma put a hurt on somebody

Kenny: The only hurt you put is on your waist

Ernie, Magic, Kenny: HA HA HA HA

Hey now, that was pretty nice way to flip the script: literally! For those that read this site (and I know you do, my stats say at least one of you is from Poland) and enjoy the silly NBA commentary now and then, sorry for going pretty much off topic today. However, that’s what I do around here, go totally into unrelated land, so… blah on that front.

So back to LOST: First of all, as you can see above, Jack is sooooo late to the Playoff beard party. Seriously, as soon as Baron’s Warriors got boosted by the Jazz, the beard craze was ova. As for the rest of episode, I really liked it. Though it was different from the previous two years where the writers would jam way too many new “omg, check that out!”-type scenes (Season 1: the bloody ladder of the hatch; Season 2: the toe statue; the ultraviolet light; the arctic dudes playing chess talking to Penelope) it had a very nice punchline. I’m not one of those spoilers folks so I totally didn’t see that one coming even though there were plenty of clues: Jack’s beard (seriously!); his substance abuse-ness; his ex about to drop a baby; his new phone that probably didn’t come out in 2004. But call me dumb, I didn’t see that coming, which was cool to me (as I’m always one to try to figure out things way ahead), it left me with a great feeling.

As for the reveal itself: the Flash Forward idea is wicked… but what are the writers up to now? Is that going to be the norm for Season 4? If so, how? I assume they get off the island right then, so is there is still going to be any stories left there (well, duh, I’m sure they have something up the alley for that… but I’m just asking). Anyways, it was a good surprise for once. On to Bullez-Points of Good Moments:

  • Jack & Crew finally get a moment of the upper hand, Jesus, they never ever get good endings
  • JOHN LOCKE IS TEH HOTNESS! Dude is insane. Survives the gun wound in the gut, summons WAAAAAALLLLT! to help him out and have enough energy to backstab (hee!) the hottie English chick. Love him.
  • Charlie going out in style. Some people on a couple message boards say he didn’t need to die (just let the water flow in and jump into the pool with Desmond) but someone brought up the physics— that due to the pressure, the whole station would’ve flooded within minutes, not enough time for the both of them to escape. Eh, I bought it.
  • That English chick isn’t with Penelope… hmmm…
  • Evangeline Lilly is sooooooo purrrty (finally getting real makeup…)
  • Was it Sawyer’s funeral no one went to? My first thought was Ben for some reason
  • So was Ben right? That they aren’t supposed to leave the island? Is that why Jack is so eff-ed up by his lonesome? Or is tha his usual assdick-ness? So many wonderful questions. Like what about the rest of the guys, where they be at? Are some dead? Yeah, I’ll stay tuned next season fo sho’!

Now, trying to tie all that with the NBA, let’s flash forward with some teams:

Of course, the Elder Statesman himself, G-Oden will terrorize the Pacific Northwest for years to come. Though we still have no clue whether or not the Portland Trailblazers will draft him (because Kevin Durant is a better fit) but I can envision him being picked #1. Only because he’s going to be so good since he’s still raw (but has sick post moves). Here’s hoping Greg still retains his bookworm tendencies and stays far faaaaar away from the off court activities of one Zach Randolph.

I expect dude to dominate right away, Tim Duncan-style. And they should be in good look for a playoff spot. Hell, they might even go as far as win the division title! Who’s going to stop them? Seattle? Oooh riiight right… they have the 2nd pick… umm.. well, they’re vagabonds anyways, who cares about them.

And in 2010, Josh Smith will lead the Atlanta Hawks into the Finals. YES I SAID IT. Okay, I might be on crack (as I usually am by 10:30 in the morning here on the East Coast), but since we’re doing this time lapse thingy, I might as well go for broke.

Look, the Hawkies have the 3rd pick. They’ll get someone really good. I don’t know who it is, because I’m on crack and I’m not usually up on these things. J-Smoothy (that should be a drink) is getting better and better. Hotatlanta is a hot hoops area… so I’m guessing by 2009, they’ll be good enough to be in the playoffs but get knocked out in the Eastern Conference Finals by the reigning Champs: The Cavaliers. Then, Josh Smith will own LeBron the next year for his ascension to the glory stage: the Finals and beat the Nuggets. Yes, all that shall happen.

YOU WERE [not] SUPPOSED TO LEAVE THE ISLAND! YOU [don’t] HAVE TO GO BACK!

aaaaannnd scene…

Two things:

1) It’s actually nice outside around my parts, so I’ve decided to do something very strange: try to enjoy it. That’s why maybe the posting maybe a bit thin. Maybe.

2) The real reason why the posting is thin: g’damn the Spurs like to lay the pounding on the Jazz. It’s just not fair. At least with the Suns series, PHX were very tight with them until the end when the Championship mentality took over and calmed things down to win. However, with this series, the Jazz simply cannot answer to close the gap. Which makes for very uninteresting posts about it. Booo!

Cavaliers/Pistons? You ask? LeBron’s smart. A little too smart. Very yoda-ish…… in all his postgame interviews, whether he won or not, he’s very calm and composed. WHY ARE YOU SO CALM AND COMPOSED BRON?!?! Actually, I think it’s a good thing, years past, guys like Kobe or T-Mac get rattled after a tough loss, but with LBJ, he’s thinking “shit yo, I can bend the spoon if I wanted to!” Scary. Hopefully he wins one in Detroit just to shut Magic Johnson up just a tad.

Re: NBA Draft— Danny Ainge’s self e-Mail:

“SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT”

And seeing the Celtics not get their tanking ways rewarded. Big IN YOUR FACE! I have no idea if Yi Jianlian is going to the Celtics, but I just think that it’s a funny sight to have a 19 (22, whatever) year old Chinese kid be the next franchise stepping stone of the Boston Celtics. That imagery is just funny to me. Ha ha funny. Cute girlfriend he has tho.

Tonight’s there’s no games. GOOD. I need all the attention I get for the LOST TWO HOUR SEASON FINALE. Yo, it’s been a sucky season 3 of Lost I admit, but I’m still a regular watcher even though the writers fucking drag everything when they don’t need to.

Things I want to happen tonight on the finale: Jack to die. Kate to die. Charlie to save the day, but die. The monster is revealed and is David Stern. And Locke survives the gun wound to kill Ben. So yeah, lots of death, PLEASE. The finale of Heroes was horrible. I meant that lovingly, since I do like that show, but really? All the buildup, and no final battle? Underwhelmed yo.

You watched the Spurs vs. Jazz Game 1 last night? … Was that a no? Well, I did. Here’s the recap:

Spurs scored. Jazz scored. Spurs scored more. Then the Jazz stopped scoring a little bit. Then I just left the 4th quarter alone as it should be. The end. *sigh* Look, I’m still big fan of the game, which was why I watched at all. I love Deron’s game, I love Tony Parker/Ginobili’s game, but I need to find a narrative to this series… Free Darko, please enlighten me.

Anyways, two awesome videos, with a sccccary wager and the other is where you can watch a YouTube video about a showthat features YouTube videos!

So, throwing this baby up as the Nets are stinkin’ up the joint… I can’t believe LeBron’s going to the Conference Finals in the dullest way imaginable. The Cavs lead by 15 right now at halftime… yeah right Bron gives this up… Alright, please, leave any comments, voodoo chants or game insights for the upcoming Game 6 in a few hours (or you can talk about the the rest of the Cavs/Nets game…BWAHAaahahha.. riiiight..)

— So LeBron is actually very good… when he fuckin gives half a crap. Great job guys, would ya do us a favor and give the world something to care about in the Conference Finals against the Pistons? Thanks! Hugs & Kisses xoxox

— FREE JEFFREY VAN GUNDY! Seriously tho… must be awk-ward this morning with the ESPN guys prepping up right…?

MIKE BREEN: (reading the news that Jeff’s fired) Oh no… oh.. no… ohno ohno ononononononono!

JVG: What is it Breeny?

MB: uhhh… how can I say this… um… Hrm… Okay… when one parent doesn’t love the other…

JVG: The fuck are you talking about Mike?

MB: … I love you

JVG: WHAT?!?

MB: I mean I mean I mean… you got canned man

JVG: oh.. yheah, seen that shit coming, no biggie — you don’t think I knew that when I agreed to come on with you dumbbells?

(exeunt)

5-4: STAT picks up his first foul already…. this is gonna be tough

8:45: okay I’m switching back to “time” format rather than score, because there’s no way knowing who’s who… anyways… right now I can’t tell which voice is Jeff’s and which one’s Jon Barry’s. 7-7

5:51: Nice to see both teams are “on”. Don’t want no dud game yo. I wonder when they’ll talk about Jeff’s fired ass? Cooooome oooon, talk about it already!

3:37: Barbosa gets a good strong layup/banker, a steal and also going up strong.. that’ll dust off any Game 5 Brazilian funk, also known as Sao Paolo SuckFest. Meanwhile Stoudamire is looking nice on offence and active on D

— I feel JVG is commentary-mic hogging, bastard! But he’s good, breaking down plays, 21-19 for PHX

— YAY, they get to talk about *feelings*! About Van Gundy’s pink-slip. Damn, Mike Breen is impressive… big chaos plays going on and Breen is STILL able to question Jeff and call the play by play!

— End of first and we’re all tied up at 23… the pace obviously isn’t PHX’s but Spurs won’t let that happen anyway. Clickey to read on..

Click it real good, CLICK IT!

Ah yes, the Mighty Mighty Bulls are finally vanquished.

God that took long enough!

Okay so I gots to run (tra la la la) and get some mundane stuff done today so this post is just up if y’all want to chime in about the Pistons/Bulls game which you ALL WATCHED right?

(pfft, I didn’t! I was checking up on Scrubs yo… I can’t believe JD and Elliot??!! WHyyyy SIX Years people, not this again!)

But hey guess what? I’ll do a live blog of tonight’s UGGGGhhh Game 7 up in here. I liked the comments coming in from last post, so those around the PC/laptop/brain-injected-internet hookup while watching the Suns and Spurs titilate, join me later tonight cool? I said, COOL? Nice!

Oh and Smorgasblog is up… if you’re into that kind of thing!