Archive for the ‘Fauxshion’ Category

With many thanks to the notorious J.C.N. that oversees FanHouse along with Mottram, there’s an MTV interview with Prince, and he reveals what we’ve all wanted to know for the past 4 years … he is actually a balla 4 realz:

Sway: I wanted to tell you this story first: I was watching the Dave Chappelle show, and Eddie Murphy’s brother Charlie Murphy does this thing on it called “True Life Hollywood Stories,” and he told this story that he was hanging out with you at your house, and you guys were listening to music, and then you came up with the idea to all go play basketball. He said they didn’t have any clothes, so you got them shorts and T-shirts, but he said that your crew showed up to the basketball court with the same wardrobe [as you wear onstage]. High heels, suited and booted. Is that true?

Prince: That part’s not true. But the whupping’s true.

Sway: The whupping’s true. So you’ve got basketball skills?

Prince: A little bit.

Sway: Yeah? What you got? A crossover dribble? Or a jump shot?

Prince: We didn’t call it crossover back then.

Sway: What’d you call it?

Prince: Just speed.

Thank god for that piece so I can run this geniusness clip again…

(via: The Poor Man Institute)

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This could use a little background info.

Background. Info.

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With all due respek to the folks of Go Fug Yourself

Kobe, Kobe, Kobe, Kobe. Yes. We all know how you are. We know you very well. In fact, we know you a little too well.

We know that you like score — in more ways than one. We know that you want to be DA MAN. We know that you’re someone that basks in the limelight of having everyone be in awe of your talents.

We know that you probably like the movie Scarface (call it a hunch)… what we didn’t know was that you wanted to be go back to 1980s Miami to be an extra for the film with that getup of yours.

Hats are cool, I mean, everyone likes hats. But that thing that’s above your head… that’s no hat sir. It’s like dried orange peels “pretending” to be a hat/fedora/atrocity. Which I guess explains the mango shirt your wearing. Who the hell wears mango?! I take it you wanted to stick it to the Suns after you poured 45 on so you just had to ridicule their their pretty orange colors huh? “TAKE THAT orange! I’m going with a colorway that’s kinda orange, but off-colored. Bitches!” Don’t even get me started on the shoes…

Your daughter Natalia probably thinks you’re going to a mango factory now. Shame on you.

 

Sure, I haven’t really mentioned the patron saint of us online hoop heads—Archbishop Agent Zero, here at the HQ for a second, reason: I friggin mentioned the hell outta him over at BulletsForever just a couple days ago!

Howeva, that doesn’t excuse the fact that I’ve been slacking here, so I give you The Unrelatedness‘ good friend Dan Steinberg (who has been a saint himself for dealing with my 10 thousand emails, love ya Dan!), clueing us in on Gilbert Arenas’ jersey sale climb in the top 10 (full admission: the post links back to us…. yea.. I’m a linkwhore 😈 )

This is a week old, but I certainly find this interview with Grizz coach Tony Barone interesting, from HoopsHype (they’re awesome based on name principle alone)

In your first game against Toronto, those guys were making a serious run at you. And you guys were in the huddle during the timeout laughing and smiling. What’s that all about?

TB: You just have to be somewhat loose in pressure situations. If you’re not loose in pressure situations and you are tight, you can’t perform. So I try to keep loose in those situations and not get bogged down in nine-thousand different little details, but make it pretty simple as what we have to do. Toronto took the lead and they were looking over at me because they thought we were going to take a time out and we didn’t. We pushed the ball and (Mike Miller) hit a three. That was as good as anything I could have said during the timeout. That’s the way I look at it.

It’s interesting because they seem to have just DEMOLISHED the 5th place LA Lakers with seven players in double figures! With just E. Jones scoreless on the active roster. A big Doube-U Tee Eff? I think it’s that loose-ness they’re playing with, since they’re the worst team in the lig and really just having fun out there and really don’t give frak. They’re the type team right now that other teams hate to play against. LakerBlog breaks the game down while Beale Street Beat says Barone’s good coaching aint no fluke.

Something something about Jason Kidd‘s personal life—eh… I’ll just say this: hopefully TJ’s head will dissolve back to normal size as it doesn’t need to deal with his crazy ‘rents being together anymore. Oh and Joumana, call me! We’ll play chess or something, I’m wild too!

I think this was at least a month old… I never heard much about this.. and only saw the ad recently.. really makes you think. Huh. I’m actually very interested to know if this is for real. Not that I visited the Nike site to check it out—fact checking? who needs that?—I mainly fear the Satanic abundance of Flash media that might be unloaded if I even attempt to type in any Nike address.

Anyway, I find it awesome that Maria Sharapova and Lebron are like, totally good BFFs. At least it doesn’t feel like a “corporate synergized” affair a la Mia Hamm/Michael Jordan with Gatorade a while back (remember those ads? “whatever you can do I can do beeetter” hehe)

I wish more superstars of different genres are good friends, like say Han Solo and Jack Sparrow hanging out all the time to play XBox.

UPDATE: While we’re on the topic of LeBron, good friend Mutoni had a brilliant idea for the an NBA Toons installment. The result is culminated here for a SLAMonline EXCLUSIVE!

Thanks again Mutoni for the exposurezzz. I’ll make sure the goat we agreed on is promptly sent over!

Making the rounds over at the NBA FanHouse and Awful Announcing comes this masterpiece:

As been documented in the UnrelatednessClan once not long ago, we hate the PSD. The only thing that makes the PSD tolerable is that PSD also stands for “photoshop document”—something we are in love with(UPDATE: it’s come to my unfortunate attention in the comments that it’s really PCD and not PSD… it’s a holiday miracle!!!)

ANYWAY, if you thought that lil’ ditty was ‘something’, wait til you hear what was left on the cutting floor:

Bada bada ba! Bada bada bowww!

RIGHT NOW
Lakers/Heat aint a matchup you looking for
RIGHT NOW
Don’t confuse us with a bunch of whores
RIGHT NOW
You know that Shaq caaan’t duuunk no mooooore!

[music picks up]

RIGHT NOW
Don’t you over-react like ‘Sheed
RIGHT NOW
Or else you blow the (20 point) lead
RIGHT NOW
Fuck it, let’s just smooooke soome weeeeeed!

Uh-huuuuh… Uh-huuuuuh… Uh-huuuuuh

Um.. awkwardly segueing from that.. Hoops Addict has a wonderful podcast with Rus Bradburd, the author of “Paddy on the Hardwood”—great insights of a man wanting to get away from the stress of the structure of U.S. hoops by going to Ireland—however he falls right back in love with the game because he gets to teach it to a bunch of guys because they play for the purity of it and not the money, fame, etc.

Recommended listen and it really makes you want to go check out the book (c’mon Amazon, I’m waiting!)

Hot damn! Agent Zero brought down the thunder against Cleveland on Saturday didn’t he? BulletsFever breaks it down here (I agree, the gold unis live in action is fugly!).

I’ll come clean, before the season started, all the hullabaloo about Arenas zaaany antics were charming, but felt a bit too much (the sobering bio piece from Washington Post notwithstanding). However, now that the season is well under way and Gil-Man is putting on a crazy show once again, the man-crush engine is starting all over again (see: doodling / tributes)

Staying current with his blog, he mentions the All-Star balloting:diddy.jpg

I know ballots are out. I know Puffy had the Vote or Die, you know, with them shirts. You know, I want to have, “If no one votes for me, I’m not going to do anymore blogs.

Dude, just as soon as I break into a printing press, these will surely sell like rice cakes:

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UPDATE!! Yes, you can REALLY buy them now! And I don’t even have to break into those high facility plants! Check out the back: Enjoy 🙂 !!

UPDATE (2-double-0-7 Edition!):


The picture says it all dun’t it? Well, I needed to say THAT… but you know what I mean.. okay I’ll shutup now.. join the discussionz..

And seeing as we’re approaching the holiday-of-reluctantly-buying-crap for people you may or may not really like, I’d like to send out a wish for a gift I’d like to receive (that’s how it works right? Begging?) A while ago over at FreeDarko, they featured UndrCrwn’s Dynasty tees. When I tried to make the checkout payment, I was met with e-Commerce ethnic discrimination! See for yourself what they gave me!

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Now now, I can easily give it to Mommy and forget the whole thing. But by Jorge, I’m demanding satisfaction! Then again, I might’ve clicked on “translate” by accident… Point being, someone buy me this shirt (en anglais s’il vous plait?) 🙂

(thx for my bro with el translationz.. just in case: yes, that’s made up, no discrimination.. yet)

Got a hearty laugh reading a funny entry about the worst “gangsta” rap labels over at Oh Word (now that’s my kind of domain name!) that basically just tore up on all the “hood” labels and their carcasses:

On the Ruff Ryders:

While the label died a quick death as soon as people figured out that bikes weren’t cool, their influence still permeates to this day: DMX is still dropping records, the Lox still haven’t recovered and Swizz Beats still has a career. For shame.

#2 and #1 are G-Unit (haha, were they EVER really a unit??) and Murder Inc (dis)respectfully. Though really, they’re all losers in the name of hip hop.

In lieu of that, and to awkwardly relate this to the NBA, I bring to you the Semi-Fake-“Hood” Dunk/Shot Celebratory Taunts (I know, I know, it’s a well documented topic of discourse—still givin ya my spin, that’s how I roll):

Carter—“Revin’ it up”:

vincevroom.jpg Now surely someone as athletic as VC should by all means have some sort of signature celebration whenever he wreaks havoc above the rim. However, this is so not cutting it. I mean, I get the significance of the symbolic nature to which one may or may not “rev it up”, but it looks sooooo silly. Not to mention the dangerous social impact Carter is causing: worldwide increase invincevroom1.jpg demand for air motocycle handles.

This is some serious shit.

But the point is, (and I think there is a point..) it’s not authentically “cool”. It feels and looks generic. You almost think that Carter is going for the highlights solely for the sake of the celebratory vroom vroom.

QRich/DMiles—“Hit Your Head Twice With Fists”:

quentin_richardson.jpgWhen they first did this back with the Clips I remember fondly, “what the eff?”. Then, the next day during a HS practice, all my teammates were doing it. What? Did I miss the fun train? Iquentin.jpg clearly didn’t get it nor did I really want to. At least VC could back up his thing with the notion that his team is winning (debatable!!). But when Miles and Q did it, they were still the “bad L.A. team” so I couldn’t help but think: dudes, you haven’t won jack to show for it.

quentinrichardson.jpgI mean, I couldn’t even find a Darius Miles pic for this, even the internet thinks it’s dumb.

And I really think, to this day, the true reason for his separation from Brandy is caused by those excess trauma to the head.. how else can you split from f-ing Brandy??


larryjohnson.jpgLarry Johnson—“Elbow Letter”

Actually, you know what? LJ’s signature is pretty awesome. Especially when he nailed that 3 pointer AND the foul against the Pacers at the Garden during Game 3 of the ECF. No gripes here.

Other atrocities:

Stromile Swift’s “Puppet Theatre” in the shape of a bird. I couldn’t find evidence of this either, but I think y’all know what it is. My problem with it is how complicated it is for one to go about doing this taunt. First you have to dunk, then land, then cross your hands, inverted, at the thumbs. DUDE, that’s too much!

Tim Thomas’ “Can’t See Me Now Thingy”: This one I can take it or leave it. He hit huge shots at crucial moments and well, he CAN ball. Let’s hope he can keep it up.

Sam I Am’s “Alien Balls”: I give it to him, it’s funny.

Mini-UPDATE: Seth and Balding Spalding (sorry to be harsh on the vroom vroom machine, I’ve been envyous of it ever since Top Gun…) bring up a couple I missed, like the FatOne’s Shimmy, and Dirk’s Tongue of Happiness. No doubt there are more missing, feel free to contribute in the comments below!

Anyway, if the celebration is fluid and not dorky I’m all for it. Just don’t pretend like it’s so “street” and fake-cool.

Housekeeping: I did my weekly appearance radioshow to chat hoops today (though t’was a shorter segment as this thing called “football” is soooo important). As soon as I get the file (whenever that is…heh) I shall uploadz that ish. Word.

Fashion Friday Issue #1 (don’t hold your breath for #2):

Paging Mr. Stern: one piece triathlon suits are in! Look into it asap!
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darn misspellings..

And just one more for the road, this time without any need for shopping of the photo. I shall call this one: “Vince Carter Won’t Get His Number Retired… EVER”

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I’ll end today’s post on a solemn note by just saying that my thoughts and prayers are out to the victims and their families and the whole Dawson College community here in Montreal. If you don’t know what I’m talking about.. I won’t get into it (still hard to wrap my head around it, being a little too close for comfort). It was a bad day, but as a Montrealer, I know we will be able to get better soon, we’re tough like that.